Listen up, Wildcats: after my experiences at Dillo Day, I know that if this campus is known for one thing and one thing only, it’s tolerance. But if it’s known for two things, the second is finding an excuse to day drink, and as a bear who must answer letters from y’all, I’m a bit experienced when it comes to whistling my blues into a bottle of Jack Daniel’s.
I mean, come on, it says “Scheming Eunuch, weather sorcerer” on his driver’s license.
On Wednesday night, every sad girl and gay rose from their slumber to stream the new song by Charli XCX Lorde. As a NOT gay person, I took a listen myself and noticed that the song was quite inappropriate and…unholy. In the first line of the chorus, she sings about taking MDMA and smoking the “best cigarette of [her] life”…uh, promoting hard drugs? Only a few days after Easter? I don’t think so! Besides, we all know poppers are the better choice
My roommate recently confided his deepest, darkest secret to me: whenever I’m not in the room, he watches “the Hub” and masturbates.
For example, eyewitnesses to the events at the police station have corroborated his testimony that several police officers woulddid indeed pull their service weapons when, as Oxlong predicted, after he threatened to blow up the building.
This week, while Harvard put out a statement saying that it would not acquiesce to Trump’s demands, Northwestern took a more Victorian approach.
Firstly, I’ll ask you to remember that there is no truly ethical consumption “content” and that even small creators are still participating in a system that increases the inequality/exploitation that hides this industry from oversight. It suffocates those it takes advantage of who are trying to exact change at the grander level, buried by a number of interconnected goonbait systems.
Northwestern discovered that she can make, on average, $10,000 per donation cycle for her eggs. That means she would only need to sell her eggs 79,000 times, which is basically nothing.
I noticed that my professor’s–excuse my French–derriere had grown exponentially in size. His butt, like an atomic bomb, absolutely mushroomed and I was wondering why.
Now I admit, I was a little off-put when I saw the large number of cats and dogs in the waiting room, but I figured he was just an animal lover, not that he was about to divorce my thing-1-and-thing-2 from the rest of my body with the same clinical precision of a Civil War amputation doctor.