Flipside Reporters Return from Sochi Sunburnt, Laid (Winter Olympics Recap)
In case you missed any of The Flipside’s Winter Olympics coverage, the links below will make sure you get the scoop on what really went down in Sochi this year.
Category Archives: Articles
Inspired by Sochi, Dubai Prepares Winter Olympics Bid
“Dubai has the largest ski resort in the region,” Sheikh Mohammed said. “We also have the resources and funds available to create essentially anything we need to host the winter Olympics.”
Schapiro Responds to the “Great Microwave Fire of 2014”
“I know that it has been a rough week for everyone,” Schaprio began. “Mid-terms just finished. Nobody has slept much. And this week, Northwestern had one of the worst accidents it has ever experienced.”
Sprungschießen (Ski Jump Archery) Deemed Too Easy, Will Be Made More Difficult in 2018
Sprungschießen is a new event at the Winter 2014 Olympics this year that requires athletes to shoot a moving target with a bow and arrow immediately after launching after a ski jump. In addition, jumpers must execute an elaborate series of twists, flips, turns, and rotations.
“The Most Dangerous Biathlon” Disappoints Spectators with Only Twelve Deaths
The event has an illustrious history dating back to the 1960 Winter Games in California, when Olympic host and US Vice President Richard Nixon personally wiped three names off of his Enemies List.
Americans Realize Terrible Things Happening Everywhere as Olympics Come to an End
Various social networking services resumed delivering articles adorned with click-bait titles all pointing to gruesome human deaths in faraway places, such as “The 10 Best Mass Casualty Events You Missed During the Winter Olympics.”
Freshman Starting to Think He Might Want to Call Home This Year
Sources indicate that Goldsmith is currently holding his phone in his hands, weighing the prospect of a healthy conscience against the insufferable high-pitched tone of his mother’s joyful exclamations.
JR Epidemic Sweeps McCormick Tribune Center
Symptoms include, but are not limited to, homelessness, an intense phobia of the word “clips,” and excessive fatigue. JR can also cause unnecessary moving expenses and in some patients an effective guarantee of missing Dillo Day.
International Skating Union to Replace Figure Skating Judges with Bond Henchmen
“Have you seen Skyfall? No KGB, not even mention. No cabbage for my little girls. Now, I make Mother Russia happy, my girls get cabbage and no one dead. Perfect,” said Ilya Vladikov, a former KGB agent who now works as a freelance filmmaker/assassin.
Denmark Dominates in Polar Bear Jumping with Gold Medal Performance
Karstensen’s bear nearly lost its footing as it landed on slippery ice in the last jump of the round. The excited fans audibly gasped, then cheered as Ingegerd managed to remain upright and finish the competition.