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Online Dictionary’s Pronunciation Guide Actually Quite Useless

February 2, 2013 Brian Lee Leave a comment

Toledo, OH — According to eye-witness reports from the reception desk, recent attempts by Neil Vandooren to settle a bet wagered on the pronunciation of the word “homage” resulted in a stalemate when the online dictionary consulted produced inconclusive results. Vandooren, a human resource specialist at Stevenson Mechanical Incorporated, originally proposed the bet after the word in dispute was unexpectedly used in casual conversation during his lunch break. Witnesses told The Flipside that Vandooren looked up the word on freeonlinedictionary.com,

[The Flipside Guide to the 2013 Oscars] Amour, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Other Highlights

February 1, 2013 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

With Oscar season in full swing, The Flipside is proud to present a summary of 2012’s most acclaimed films. By this point we were pretty exhausted writing review after review after review after review so please excuse our brevity and our tendency to make shit up. Do they really need to nominate this many movies in a year? I mean, we all know which ones won’t win. Peruse our reviews of the other nominees: *Argo and Django Unchained *Zero Dark

Northwestern Encourages Teach for America to Keep Down Student Unemployment Numbers

January 31, 2013 Sam Block Leave a comment

EVANSTON — Jacob Lurie, a School of Communications senior, walks out of the jobs fair. He is tired from talking to companies that contribute so much good to the world: Deloitte, Bane, the marketing team in University of Chicago’s athletic department. He is holding his resume, which does not include his GPA. Looking in the mirror at a face that’s never taken a single education class, Lurie says to himself, “I’ve heard TFA is pretty awesome.” Lurie is not alone. In

Dance Marathon Fundraisers Lose Money

January 30, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

EVANSTON — In a rapid race to meet the half-money deadline, Dance Marathon participants have been holding fundraisers across campus, netting approximately -$3,750 as of Friday. Freshman Keri Brandl, who will be dancing for her sorority Quad-Delt, said that she hosted a doughnut sale in her floor lounge last Wednesday. “I was selling them for a dollar each, but no one was buying them,” Brandl said, “So I decided to barter with the other person in the lounge who was

MTV Hopes to Smarten up with New Show, “16 and Pregnant with Caveman”

January 30, 2013 Casey Kendall Leave a comment

NEW YORK — When George Church, a geneticist at Harvard Medical School—a small medical training facility in Massachusetts—first announced that he was looking for volunteers to be impregnated by a Neanderthal embryo constructed from DNA ripped from bone fragments, he was cautiously optimistic that someone would step up. But it soon became clear there were no takers, and Church was about to call the whole thing off. Enter MTV, formerly known as Music Television. An MTV representative contacted Church last

Read more Entertainment, No. 99, Sci/Tech

[The Flipside Guide to the 2013 Oscars] Lincoln: Thoughts from the North, the South, and Someone Who Doesn’t Listen

January 29, 2013 Alex Finkelstein Leave a comment

With Oscar season in full swing, The Flipside is proud to present a summary of 2012’s most acclaimed films. Since Lincoln was such a blockbuster, we have tripled our efforts and present for you three reviews: one from a Northerner, one from a Southerner, and one from someone who misheard the name of the movie as LinkedIn. Peruse our reviews of the other nominees: *Argo and Django Unchained *Zero Dark Thirty and Les Mis *Silver Linings Playbook and Life of

Flipside Field Report: Love and Loss in the Slivka Flood

January 28, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

EVANSTON — A devastating dormitory flood this past Monday left hundreds of residents in Slivka Residence Hall on North Campus without textbooks, graph paper, or TI-89 calculators. Reports indicate that the calamity may have been caused either by a malfunctioning radiator or the collective tears of three sophomore biomedical engineers studying for their Accelerated Organic Chemistry midterm. Beginning sometime between the hours of 4:00 and 7:00 AM in Suite 220 on the second floor, the storm surge penetrated suites 230,

Clinton Testimony Ends in Pain Reliever Review

January 28, 2013 Janesh Rahlan Leave a comment

WASHINGTON — In yet another attempt to cover up their ill fate in the 2012 elections, Republicans demanded a hearing on the Benghazi attacks with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. The first fifteen minutes of the hearing involved multiple people thanking Clinton for not getting bangs, saying, “it’s just too flirty for our taste.” The fifteen minutes after that included clarification on which video provoked the protests, with certain members claiming it was the music video to Justin Beiber’s “Beauty

McCormick Students Face Toughest Challenge Yet: Making Water Freeze

January 27, 2013 Min Lee Leave a comment

EVANSTON — Every quarter for their DTC projects, groups of McCormick students design various novel devices, from prosthetic arms to penguin feet. This quarter, one unlucky group has been given the most formidable challenge the engineering school has ever proposed: reopening the Norris Ice Rink. “We realize that this is a tough task,” said Mark Turner, a freshman civil engineer. “Even mother nature couldn’t get the ice rink open. That’s where engineering comes in.” The group of eager engineers are

Manti Te’o, Notre Dame Reveal God is a Hoax

January 26, 2013 Alex Finkelstein Leave a comment

SOUTH BEND, IN — It looks like Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad have some explaining to do. God does not exist, and an investigation launched by Notre Dame University on December 26th confirms the news. The investigation was initiated after there was no Christmas miracle and Manti Te’o failed to win the Heisman. All doubt was removed after the heathens from Alabama routed Notre Dame 42-10 in the BCS National Championship. According to coach Brian Kelly, “Nobody is watching over us,