Hey, Girl. This Whole Myanmar Thing Just Reminded Me Of You.
Did you hear âbout Myanmar, girl? 7.7, they said. It made me think of you, girl. Our love, it really shook things up.
Category Archives: Year 18
Northwestern to Donate Her Eggs to Make Up Her Missing Funds
Northwestern discovered that she can make, on average, $10,000 per donation cycle for her eggs. That means she would only need to sell her eggs 79,000 times, which is basically nothing.
My Catâs Thoughts On New Trump Tariffs: âmrr mrrrr meeoorrr miauuuu miau mrrâÂ
The good and honest American people are no stranger to so-called âexpertsâ talking down to them on TV about how to spend their money and why their grocery bills arenât going down. âOh, itâs because youâre spending too much on DraftKings, no itâs because America is getting screwed over by its trade partnersâ. Well, America, here are some thoughts on Trumpâs new tariffs from the only economic expert you need, my cat Billibob (AKA: Billi, Hobo Kitty): âmrr mrrrr meeoorrr
Ask Flippy: if my professor shits himself during class, should I address it or shit harder in solidarity?
I noticed that my professor’s–excuse my French–derriere had grown exponentially in size. His butt, like an atomic bomb, absolutely mushroomed and I was wondering why.
I Thought My “Severing” Procedure Would Help With My Work/Life Balance, Instead They Just Cut My Balls Off!
Now I admit, I was a little off-put when I saw the large number of cats and dogs in the waiting room, but I figured he was just an animal lover, not that he was about to divorce my thing-1-and-thing-2 from the rest of my body with the same clinical precision of a Civil War amputation doctor.
Weinberg Student Mumbles âNo More Mr. Nice Guyâ While Eyeing Empty Bottle Of AntidepressantsÂ
Weinberg freshman Richard LĂ€rgen has run out of his prescription of Lexapro, a common antidepressant, and was seen mumbling to himself in the mirror âno more Mr. Nice Guyâ while attempting to brush his teeth.Â
Op-Ed: Sometimes You Have to Stand Up For What You Believe In and Thatâs Why Iâm Chaining Myself to the Evanston Chiliâs
Do you think I chose Northwestern for the academics, the extracurriculars, or the community? No! I chose it for the Evanston Chiliâs.