“The woman I thought was Danica, the bitch who brought GMO orange slices to practice last week, revealed herself to actually be some guy from Northwestern.”
The whale was reportedly seen going up to students, taking pictures with them, then asking, “you got some booze I can bum off you,” in the deepest voice he could muster.
Morty: “We have students from more Chicago suburbs than ever before; as a matter of fact, we only took 40 kids from ETHS this year!”
His classmates can’t wait for him to go to a small liberal arts college, where he’ll eventually become philosophy professor and never be heard from again.
EVANSTON — In an effort to sadistically torture Northwestern students, Mayfest decided to announce that Wu-Tang Clan is headlining Dillo Day only seconds before the iconic rap group took the stage on Saturday. The decision was made in part because the concert organizing board has a really sick and twisted desire to play with the hearts and minds of both music enthusiasts and borderline alcoholics alike, not to mention the entirety of ETHS and cool moms everywhere. “Creating a really
EVANSTON – Jack Weller, a Community Service Officer working the Wednesday-evening night shift in the Foster-Walker lobby, was honored by the Evanston Police Department Tuesday for unprecedented heroics. Weller is now the first CSO in over a decade to actually thwart an ongoing crime, a task that the celebrated hero attributed to “I have no idea how that actually worked.” According to reports filed with the EPD, John Weller was unobtrusively reading at the front desk when he heard shouts