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Tag Archives: NRA

Big Al’s Guns and Lemonade Raises Minimum Gun Buying Age to 14

May 21, 2018 Michael Campbell Leave a comment

In light of recent events and the current political climate, Southern landmark, Big Al’s Guns and Lemonade, has announced a controversial decision to ban the sale of all firearms to all people younger than 14. Viewed by some critics as bending to political pressure, Big Al himself announced that lemonade sales will still be unrestricted despite the new firearms policy. “I find this here new regulation to be classic liberal bullshit propaganda,” stated Chuck Horowitz, a 14-year-old high school freshman.

Read more Featured, Headline, Local, No. 250

NRA Sues Columbia for Using Trigger Warnings

January 13, 2016 Alex Kurland Leave a comment

The National Rifle Association decided this past Tuesday to file a formal lawsuit against Columbia University for their embrace of trigger warnings.

Read more Featured, Nation, No. 182, Politics

NRA Denounces 3D-Printed Guns as Deadly, Free

May 15, 2013 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

NASHVILLE, TN — NRA Executive Vice President/Walking Effigy Wayne LaPierre took to the stage today to thoroughly denounce the recent spate of “3D-printed” guns as irresponsible, deadly, and a major unchecked threat to the security of his end of year bonus. Speaking to a rapt, ravenous audience of gun owners who seemingly didn’t have anywhere else to be on a Monday afternoon, LaPierre framed the plastic, largely-untraceable devices (which could become increasingly problematic as the price of 3D printers drop)

Officials at NRA Convention Begrudgingly Ban Zombie Obama Target

May 15, 2013 Flippy Leave a comment

Congress Responds to Boston Explosions: “We Need More Bombs”

April 25, 2013 Dean Meisel Leave a comment

WASHINGTON — Congress acted quickly following the explosions that claimed three lives and injured many more at the Boston Marathon, resolving that the only way to fight against a bomb threat is for every person to have a bomb themselves. The bill that passed into law easily through both the Senate and the House legalized the possession of bombs by any American citizen over the age of 18. “Bombs don’t kill people, people kill people,” said Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas). “We need

NRA Lobbyist Forced to Undergo Background Check Before Purchasing Congressman

January 23, 2013 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

WASHINGTON –- NRA lobbyist Jack O’Neal fumed yesterday upon learning that he would be forced to undergo an extensive background check and 5-day waiting period before purchasing a new Congressman. O’Neal, an avid collector of US representatives, claims to have purchased eight senators in the past, and proudly boasts that not a single one has been registered with the proper authorities. “I fuckin’ knew it!” O’Neal reportedly ranted to anyone in earshot. “I knew Obama was comin’ for my senators!