A&O Ball Mosh Pit 90% Swaying, 10% Frat Boys Itching To Punch A Woman
“If I get arrested one more time, my parents are gonna cut my allowance to only 5k a month.”
“They Cut Me Out, And Now It’s Time To Pay,” Cackles A Third Johnson In New Blackmail Video
“Because of my unbeatable toe fungus, I was the one voted out of the company.”
IKEA Tells People to Stop Having Sex in Ramnefjälls and Tonstads on Display Floor
IKEA apparently decided the world needed a reminder that their display beds are not to be used for fooling around.
Ask Flippy: What is the best ratio of razor blades to candy to give to trick or treaters?
Buy as many razor blades as candy (hypodermic needles work too) and place them inside the candy. Snickers are my favorite, but other similar candies are acceptable. It helps to build a reputation as “the Snickers house” so kids come back.
Wellbeing: Learn To Take Things With A Grain Of Salt And A Gram Of Coke
Salt gives perspective. Coke delivers results.
Trump to start nuclear testing on animals “Like How Sephora does it”
President Donald Trump, calm and measured as always, announced plans to resume nuclear testing last Thursday while at a trade meeting in South Korea. Trump claimed the measure was in response to increased Russian aggression from recent (non-nuclear) missile tests and (actually nuclear) comments from Russian president Putin comparing Trump to an earwax-covered q-tip. Independent agencies have raised alarms over safety and diplomatic concerns from potential testing, but the public and the professionals are both ignoring the most dangerous part
“We just don’t know why he crossed” – Chicken found dead halfway across Sheridan during noon rush
Heartbroken and shocked members of the Northwestern community came together last Friday at the Rock to mourn the loss of community fixture Chicken, who was found dead last week in the middle of Sheridan Road.
New York Mayoral Result to be Decided by Anubis, Losers’ Souls Eaten by Ammit
With just one day to go until the New York City mayoral election, anticipation is running high and Ambien is running low. Regardless of what the final voting results are, there’s one final test that all candidates must pass: Are their souls pure enough for the weighing of the hearts as described in the Egyptian Book of the Dead? For non-New Yorkers unfamiliar with the process, Anubis, the jackal-headed Egyptian god of the Underworld, will weigh one’s heart against a
From the Archives, 1899: Joseph Pulitzer: “The Northwestern Flipside is the most reputable paper I have ever read”
My name is Joseph “Yellow Journalism” Pulitzer, and you may know me from my work in starting the Spanish-American War, or from my feud with that thieving two-bit “journalist” William Randolph Hearst. In days such as these, in between exaggerating stories to manipulate public opinion and forcing children to wear those cute little newsboy caps and shout “Extra! Extra! Read all about it!”, I find it of the utmost importance to uplift other voices–support small businesses. The world is chaotic,
Ask Flippy: How can I laugh at this? There’s no “6 7,” “FAH” audio, or Don Pollo clips
Honestly, I don’t know what anything you just said is, and you can’t convince me that at least one of those wasn’t made up.
Ask Flippy: If thinking makes me am, is am I thinking because am I is?
Listen close. Descartes said that thinking makes me am. If true is this… I have question.
From the Archives (1355): My Lord Spoke to Thy Lord and he Said we Need to Hookup to Save Our Two Kingdoms
My Lord, the most gentle Prince of all the realm, spaketh to thy Lord and, upon hearing his reply, made note that we are instructed to hookup in order to save our Kingdoms from the heathen invaders. Thy Lord’s message was most clear, our two shires may be separated by many a mile and rivers flowing, and may be bitter foes of ancient times, but we must put aside our respective differences to unite our forces and beat back the