A&O Ball Mosh Pit 90% Swaying, 10% Frat Boys Itching To Punch A Woman
“If I get arrested one more time, my parents are gonna cut my allowance to only 5k a month.”
“They Cut Me Out, And Now It’s Time To Pay,” Cackles A Third Johnson In New Blackmail Video
“Because of my unbeatable toe fungus, I was the one voted out of the company.”
Op-Ed: Social media sucks these days! I miss when there was no toxicity or image-crafting, just a guy on horseback informing you of your son’s gruesome death at Gettysburg
We need to return to a simpler, better age: when the only social media was an army officer riding to your farm on horseback to tell you that your son was blown to bits by General Lee’s artillery at Gettysburg.
From the California Gold Rush (1849): “I Ain’t Sayin She’s a Gold Sifter, Ezekiel, But She Only Wants You for Your Fancy Pantaloons!”
I knew from the moment that Mary Elizabeth first laid her greedy eyes on the fake pearl buttons on your trousers in Fort Laramie that a gold-sifter was about to enter our lives. In that moment, she realized she had found her ticket to all the wealth of the west, because she found the kind of buster that would spend a whole half-dollar on some pantaloons.
Perry the Platypus Sees His Shadow, 6 More Weeks of Nefarious Scheming To Come
Just earlier this year, the mad man’s antics included creating
a device that would disable all electric vehicle batteries and force commuters to overload
Danville’s poor public transport systems, brainwashing pigeons into stealing people’s jewelry
and bringing it to him, and infecting the city’s water supply with cholera.
Millions Realized They Were Deceivemaxxed As Clavicular Forced To Gymcopemax After Being Auramogged While Benchpressing, Cortisol Spiked After Framemogg Nuked By Gymratmoids
You can imagine the dismay I felt when I saw Clavicular having to gymcopemax after being auramogged by gymratmoids for only benching 135lbs.
El Mencho Killed By Mexican Forces, El Muncho (Me) NextÂ
You get a little too amorous with somebody in the passenger seat of a 2002 Subaru WRX outside of a Denny’s ONE TIME, and suddenly, it’s all you can ever be known for.Â
From the Archives: Flippy’s Mischievous but Good-Hearted Sidekick, Jumpy, Killed in Firefight with Vietcong Forces Outside Saigon (1968)
Flipside can now confirm that Jumpy, Flippy’s mischievous sidekick, was among the 10 Americans killed in the early morning hours of February 3rd, 1968.
Cockapoo, Chiweenie, Neapolitan Mastiff, and 5 other dog breeds that double as names for your dih
Is your dih both classy and girthy? Does it have lots of wrinkles and loose skin? Consider naming it Neopolitan Mastiff!
Booktok’s New Sensation, A Forbidden Romance Between A 6’4 Reformed Playboy ICE Agent And The 4’11 Mixed-Race Honduran Maid He’s Deporting Hits Shelves This Week
ICED OUT, the newest novel by New York Times Best Selling Author Phoebe Horn, is expected to hit shelves across the nation later this week.
Breaking: Scorned Chicagoans Contemplate Releasing Lil Durk from Prison to Kill Matthew Stafford
After the Chicago Bears’ brutal overtime loss to the Los Angeles Rams ruined their chances of advancing into the playoffs, the most diehard Bears fans–many of whom have not felt joy since 1985–concocted a scheme so crazy it might just work. On Monday, January 19th, just one day after the loss, Chicago’s 6th and 16th Wards approved a plan to forcefully facilitate the release of rapper Durk Devontay Banks from prison in exchange for his service in assassinating the Rams’
Democrats launch controversial “when necessary, use profanity” campaign to combat the presence of ICE
As the old adage goes, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will spearhead
the complete reconstruction of my political and social climate.”