Diversity TND Teaches White Jewish Freshmen from the Chicago Area They’re Not Alone
Morty: “We have students from more Chicago suburbs than ever before; as a matter of fact, we only took 40 kids from ETHS this year!”
Author Archives: Flippy
Happiness Club Stresses No Experience Necessary
Sophomore Brandon Wong says that he’s looking forward to another year and encourages students to give it a shot, even if joy “isn’t really their thing.”
Civil Engineering Students Finish Sheridan Construction in Cocaine Bender
“Straight lines of paint are much harder than straight lines of coke, y’know? I think we nailed it, though.”
Freshman Sees God through Complimentary Cru Glasses
“The sunglasses definitely drew me in, but then I was being asked if I wanted a personal relationship with God in order to rid me of my sins, and I thought, ‘why the hell not?’”
Sophomore to Redirect All Questions About Her Summer to Her Instagram
An overly nonchalant caption, exclusively in lowercase letters and overwhelmingly blasé, follows each post.
Ask Flippy: At What Point Should My Taxi Driver’s Yelling “SHIT SHIT SHIT” Be Concerning?
Currently, he is yelling frantically into his Bluetooth in fast-paced Spanish, interspersed with the occasional “SHIT SHIT SHIT” as he pounds the dash. Should I be worried?
I’m so happy it’s not actually thunderstormig – Dillo 2017
“DRAM is bopping he’s so jazzy and smooth I love this but also when do I get redrunk.”
Sophomore Shotgunning PBR at 8 am Feeling Ambitious Today
He then proceeded to turn on the shower to wash off all the excess beer that had dribbled down his neck and chest.
Op-Ed: That’s What They* Said, You Politically Incorrect Cracker
Your mailman Megan deliver you a package from Dick’s? That’s what they said!
Theatre Major in Front Row Ruins Lecture Yet Again
This is reportedly the seventh time lecture has been derailed by this repeat offender with no sign of remorse.