Dan Brown’s New Novel to Feature Prominently at Next Year’s Library Clearance Sale
Category Archives: Archives
If We Can’t Perform the Music of Racists, Shit-Heads, and Degenerates, What’s Left to Perform?
By Professor Donald Nally, Northwestern Conducting and Ensembles As some of you may know, a minor fracas occurred last week in one of my ensembles when a Masters student refused to sing an arrangement of a Walt Whitman poem, as his “independent research” had uncovered evidence that Walt Whitman was supposedly racist. This student even went so far as to file a complaint with the NAACP when I refused to let him cherry-pick the repertoire pieces he wanted to sing
Magazine: 14 People Who Look Significantly Less Attractive Trying on Google Glass
Does No One Bloody Care That Sir Alex Resigned?!
By Alexander Timothy Rawlings III, the British exchange student living on the seventh floor of Plex I can’t believe this. I bloody can’t. A bloke who’s been the head coach of one of the most famous football (yes, real football, not that sodding joke of a sport that’s ripping off rugby) clubs in the world for TWENTY-SIX YEARS resigns and NOBODY in this country bloody notices? I mean, I’m pretty tolerant, so I understand that you yanks pay more attention
Jurassic Park 4 Delayed Due to Cloning Technology Mishaps, Dinosaur Rampage
HOLLYWOOD, CA — The producers of Jurassic Park 4 announced last week that the upcoming film is being indefinitely delayed until cloning technology makes “several large breakthroughs.” Patrick Crowley, one of the two producers, said, “This film is going to be groundbreaking. We’re going to use real dinosaurs, no more of that crummy CG-stuff audiences can so easily tell is fake. After only measurable success with the first films in the franchise, we knew we wanted to take 4 to
Infographic: Typical Workday of Bobb Mailroom Workers
A Message from the Anglo-Saxon Student Alliance: Please Celebrate Memorial Day Respectfully
Dear fellow Northwestern students, As Memorial Day rapidly approaches, the members of the Anglo-Saxon Student Alliance would like to take a moment remind all members of the Wildcat community to please celebrate this time-honored and all-American holiday respectfully. Please remember that eating hot-dogs, hamburgers, and inordinate amounts of pie is not representative of American culture. In fact it marginalizes and offends entire sectors of our community who would prefer cheeseburgers and hot-fudge sundaes. Spending time sun-bathing, swimming and playing backyard
Berlusconi’s Convictioni, Ravioli Ravioli Give Me the Formuoli
NRA Denounces 3D-Printed Guns as Deadly, Free
NASHVILLE, TN — NRA Executive Vice President/Walking Effigy Wayne LaPierre took to the stage today to thoroughly denounce the recent spate of “3D-printed” guns as irresponsible, deadly, and a major unchecked threat to the security of his end of year bonus. Speaking to a rapt, ravenous audience of gun owners who seemingly didn’t have anywhere else to be on a Monday afternoon, LaPierre framed the plastic, largely-untraceable devices (which could become increasingly problematic as the price of 3D printers drop)
Officials at NRA Convention Begrudgingly Ban Zombie Obama Target