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Winter’s Bone First Porno Nominated for Best Picture

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Winter’s Bone: 2/4 star-shaped pasties Winter’s Bone tells the story of a teenage girl trying to find her daddy to save her house. Yeah, thats right, who’s your daddy, girl. Great start. Then some shit happens and a cop comes. This is where you expect it to start getting heavy, right? Nope! Instead of ripping off his uniform and taking her “downtown,” he just warns her that her dad needs to show up to court.  Ok, so when’s the winter bone going

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Man Takes Girlfriend on Romantic Date to See Blue Valentine

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EVANSTON, IL– With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, Romeo Smith knew he had to do something special for his new girlfriend, Rosalin Jones. “You know, it’s the beginning,” he very aptly told Flipside, “she hasn’t even slept with me yet, so I know I can’t slack yet. She’s pretty classy, so I knew I had to find something, you know, romantic to do.” He considered a big box of chocolates, but decided against it because Romeo wanted Rosalin to

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10 Things Worse than the Cleveland Cavaliers (two takes)

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Take One: Joe Misulonas 10. Fred Armisen’s impersonation of Barack Obama on Saturday Night Live– Just because you speak with a staccato doesn’t make it a Barack Obama impersonation. Neither does dressing in blackface, which I had to learn the hard way. 9. Lebron James’ reputation- The only positive about the Cavaliers losing is that with every loss, more people begin to draw Hitler mustaches on Lebron James basketball cards. 8. Home Away’s Super Bowl Commercial- You might know this

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Christopher Nolan to plant idea of Oscar nomination in Academy’s collective head

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After failing to receive an Academy Award for Best Director nomination for his sci-fi film Inception this year and his superhero movie The Dark Knight in 2008, director Christopher Nolan announced today that he plans to plant the idea of a nomination in the head of each Academy member via the inception technique. “I specialize in a very specific kind of vote rigging.” explained Nolan, “Subconscious vote rigging.” Nolan laid out his detailed plan to The Flipside. “I plan on

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NU Qatar Students Outraged Over Enforcement of Harem Law

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DOHA, QATAR – Students at Northwestern University in Qatar have been up in arms over the city’s claims that they will be stepping up enforcement of the infamous harem law. The harem law, which been on the books since the days of the sultans, prohibits a man from living with more than three wives in any building not specifically zoned to be a harem. Enforcement of the law has been lax, but due to a huge population boom in Doha,

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Willard Residents Stop Showering for Month of February to Win Green Cup

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EVANSTON — Willard residents have decided to take drastic measures in order to retain their title as the “Greenest Dorm (With a Dining Hall) on Campus” from the Green Cup last year. Most notably, all Willardites will forgo showers for the entire month of February to win the prestigious title in 2011. “Not showering for a whole month is really going to help secure our victory,” said Willard president Jackson Drapple. “Not to mention that it’s been proven that not taking

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Nintendo Announces Pokémon Generation VI: Sunni and Shi’ite

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This article was conceived by Nick Platoff, Bienen 2014 TOKYO — Following the anticipated success of Pokémon Black and White, Nintendo revealed that the sixth generation of the popular video game will have the “colors” of Sunni and Shi’ite. Satoshi Tajiri, creator of the Pokémon franchise, told the Flipside, “The most recent Pokémon games – Pearl and Diamond, Black and White – have been called ‘lame’ and ‘boring.’ We clearly needed to make the next generation more exciting. Infusing the

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