Op-Ed: JB Pritzker Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Advertise in My Dreams
“I understand that this is the nature of election season in these increasingly digital times, there are also lines that should not under any circumstances be crossed.”
Category Archives: Archives
Freshman Trekkie Keeps Saying Heâs Rushing Sci-Fi
After making his rounds through the various Sunday dinners hosted by Northwestern fraternities, Star Trek fanatic Kirk Spockard has allegedly found his future brotherhood with âSci-Fiâ.
Freshman Confuses Primal Scream With Daily Screams Of Despair
âUltimately, I think weâre all better off if whiny bitches like Craigery just synchronized their screams, for efficiencyâs sake,â said librarian and professional shusher Rita Lotte.
NU Sports Rewards App Has Students Walking Past Soccer Field at Record High
As the app gains popularity, officials hope students will be inspired by their personalized jerseys and may one day wear them as they sit through an entire game.
Frat House Starting to Feel Like Frat Home
“As time went on, the constant drunkenness and mild-homoeroticism really made me feel comfortable.â
Student Uncertain About Halloweekend Dates Drinks for Two Weeks Straightâš
Costumes reportedly included timeless classics such as a slutty devil, slutty cat, and slutty alien, but also included throwback outfits like slutty â80s workout instructor and topical statements such as a slutty absentee ballot.
Op-ed: Stop Looking at the Climate While itâs Changing, You Perverts!
Hereâs the bottom line: if the climate is changing, you look away! Stop measuring the weather and making your graphs, and shut your eyes, for Christâs sake!
Raising Prices 3.6% Only Business Strategy Taught in Kellogg
âI think the 3.6% strategy really synergizes the business ownerâs desire to make money and impoverish millennials.â
Schapiroâs âOfmortyâ Joke Falls Flat at Handmaidâs Tale Keynote
At most there were a few sharp inhales, but that was as close to laughter as Schapiro got.
MTV to Feature Lincoln Dorm on New Episode of âMTV Cribsâ
It was only after receiving an email from Northwestern president Morton Schapiro offering the production company a look into Northwesternâs new five-star rated housing that Diaz knew the new season would be a success.