“Young people must take time to research candidates in order to make informed decisions at the polls. But I also have a chem midterm on Wednesday and know nothing.”
Willie the Wildcat announced on his finsta that he has found a freshman to accompany him to his annual Furry Rave.
Freshmen were shocked to find out these conveniently located containers weren’t designed for their puking needs.
“If she’ll stick around for Frozen, she’ll stick around for anything. She’s a keeper.”
“We at CAPS strive to affirm the appallingly fragile, extrinsically-fixed self-worth of our former best and brightest.”
“Sometimes, it’s important for philanthropists that people keep quiet about their good deeds,” Neill told reporters after completing a keg stand.
“I guess it’s early and I’m still finding my way around,” White said, as if that were actually a thing.
“After 85 consecutive days of doing, like, nothing, it’s hard to get back into the swing of things,” she said, clearly skirting the fact that she had not opened a single book since arriving on campus.
“I’m in college now and have so much more responsibility. It’s just more efficient this way.”
A candlelight vigil is scheduled for this Wednesday to commemorate the tragedy.