“Trump kept pushing his hands together, attempting to push two imaginary landmasses across an ethereal demilitarized zone; his face reportedly became increasingly purple as well.”Read More
“The class begins with the abstract: what a relationship is and why someone would want one. Later on we get into the nitty gritty details, like how to hold hands and the science of maintaining eye contact.”
“Do I sometimes get jealous of other rankings and their hot Ivy League partners? Sure. But Morty is my man, and I think Northwestern University is a great school to be with,” the ranking said.
“They usually stock all the chips on the other side of the store, but for some reason these Tampax chips are over here with all the cough medicine.”
“I just know that one day, after my 9 a.m. class, someone will be waiting for me outside Kresge. They’ll see my mint green tandem bicycle and the two helmets I always keep in the front basket. They’ll look at me, and ask with a smile, gesturing toward my humble set of wheels, ‘This seat taken?’”
“We always look for ways to offer students the best studying experience, and we hope this new initiative will allow students to get some work done with friends in a casual setting,” said Head Librarian Donna Peters.
The city has been slow to act against the gang; Mayor Hagerty, when told of these demands, responded, “Huh?”