Local computer systems analyst Bob to perform at Dillo Day
âYeah, I donât screw with Bob,â explained B.o.B, âthat dude is the hardest motherfuckinâ computer systems analyst I know.”
Category Archives: Entertainment
[SEVENTH GRADE ISSUE] OMG, Guys, You *HAVE* to Watch Schindlerâs List! It Has Tits!
by xtrasooperdood GUYS! You guys! You wonât believe it! Câmon! Okay, you guys are NOT. Fuckinâ. Gonna. Believe it. Last night my parents made me watch a movie with them; it was some fuckinâ black and white movie. Gay shit, amirite? Yeah, I know! But listen, this movie had more tits than you could shake your dick at – NO, DAN, IâM NOT FUCKING LYING! No, I donât know what it was about – I was on AIM the whole
[SEVENTH GRADE ISSUE] Fab 5 Becomes Fab 4 After Susie Gets Braces
EVANSTON – The whole social order of Northshore Middle School changed dramatically the day Susie Donalds got her braces. She had apparently been keeping her impending defacement a secret, so it came as quite a shock to her former âbffeaeaeâ (translated from 7th grade speak, this means âbest friends forever and ever and everâ), members of the “Fab 5” clique Tiffany, Brittany, Barbie and Kelly. âWe just, like, didnât know what to do,â clique leader Tiffany told us. âIt was
Words Can Bring Down Ex-Teen Pop Sensation
“The only logical conclusion is that this woman is a member of a domestically based terrorist cell”
Winterâs Bone First Porno Nominated for Best Picture
Winter’s Bone: 2/4 star-shaped pasties Winter’s Bone tells the story of a teenage girl trying to find her daddy to save her house. Yeah, thats right, who’s your daddy, girl. Great start. Then some shit happens and a cop comes. This is where you expect it to start getting heavy, right? Nope! Instead of ripping off his uniform and taking her “downtown,” he just warns her that her dad needs to show up to court. Ok, so when’s the winter bone going
Man Takes Girlfriend on Romantic Date to See Blue Valentine
EVANSTON, IL– With Valentineâs Day just around the corner, Romeo Smith knew he had to do something special for his new girlfriend, Rosalin Jones. âYou know, itâs the beginning,â he very aptly told Flipside, âshe hasnât even slept with me yet, so I know I canât slack yet. Sheâs pretty classy, so I knew I had to find something, you know, romantic to do.â He considered a big box of chocolates, but decided against it because Romeo wanted Rosalin to
Best Ways to Win GREEN CUP 2011
EVANSTON – This list of sure-to-win strategies was compiled from an old book found in the Willard basement. Donât shower. Who cares what the kids in your classes say? And if your roommate will agree to that too, neither of you will notice the smell after a while. If you absolutely feel the need to shower, do it in another dorm. If you get someone to let you in, be sure to let the water for as long as possible.
Christopher Nolan to plant idea of Oscar nomination in Academyâs collective head
After failing to receive an Academy Award for Best Director nomination for his sci-fi film Inception this year and his superhero movie The Dark Knight in 2008, director Christopher Nolan announced today that he plans to plant the idea of a nomination in the head of each Academy member via the inception technique. âI specialize in a very specific kind of vote rigging.â explained Nolan, âSubconscious vote rigging.â Nolan laid out his detailed plan to The Flipside. âI plan on
Nintendo Announces PokĂ©mon Generation VI: Sunni and Shi’ite
This article was conceived by Nick Platoff, Bienen 2014 TOKYO — Following the anticipated success of PokĂ©mon Black and White, Nintendo revealed that the sixth generation of the popular video game will have the âcolorsâ of Sunni and Shi’ite. Satoshi Tajiri, creator of the PokĂ©mon franchise, told the Flipside, âThe most recent PokĂ©mon games â Pearl and Diamond, Black and White â have been called âlameâ and âboring.â We clearly needed to make the next generation more exciting. Infusing the
NUIT strives for an even more irritating CAESAR
EVANSTONâAfter the release of the Inception last July, the hit film has become Americaâs most notorious mindfuck. Up until that point, Northwesternâs class-selecting service, CAESAR, held that title. NUIT admitted its defeat after the film hit the box office this summer. However, NUIT is not to be outdone. According to Todd Robertson, NUIT’s head technician, next year’s edition of CAESAR will not only be equally as confusing as Nolanâs film, but it will also make researching and registering for classes