Category Archives: Entertainment

Man Takes Girlfriend on Romantic Date to See Blue Valentine

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EVANSTON, IL– With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, Romeo Smith knew he had to do something special for his new girlfriend, Rosalin Jones. “You know, it’s the beginning,” he very aptly told Flipside, “she hasn’t even slept with me yet, so I know I can’t slack yet. She’s pretty classy, so I knew I had to find something, you know, romantic to do.” He considered a big box of chocolates, but decided against it because Romeo wanted Rosalin to

Read more Entertainment, Local, No. 51

Best Ways to Win GREEN CUP 2011

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EVANSTON – This list of sure-to-win strategies was compiled from an old book found in the Willard basement. Don’t shower. Who cares what the kids in your classes say? And if your roommate will agree to that too, neither of you will notice the smell after a while. If you absolutely feel the need to shower, do it in another dorm. If you get someone to let you in, be sure to let the water for as long as possible.

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Christopher Nolan to plant idea of Oscar nomination in Academy’s collective head

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After failing to receive an Academy Award for Best Director nomination for his sci-fi film Inception this year and his superhero movie The Dark Knight in 2008, director Christopher Nolan announced today that he plans to plant the idea of a nomination in the head of each Academy member via the inception technique. “I specialize in a very specific kind of vote rigging.” explained Nolan, “Subconscious vote rigging.” Nolan laid out his detailed plan to The Flipside. “I plan on

Read more Entertainment, No.50

Nintendo Announces PokĂ©mon Generation VI: Sunni and Shi’ite

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This article was conceived by Nick Platoff, Bienen 2014 TOKYO — Following the anticipated success of PokĂ©mon Black and White, Nintendo revealed that the sixth generation of the popular video game will have the “colors” of Sunni and Shi’ite. Satoshi Tajiri, creator of the PokĂ©mon franchise, told the Flipside, “The most recent PokĂ©mon games – Pearl and Diamond, Black and White – have been called ‘lame’ and ‘boring.’ We clearly needed to make the next generation more exciting. Infusing the

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NUIT strives for an even more irritating CAESAR

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EVANSTON—After the release of the Inception last July, the hit film has become America’s most notorious mindfuck. Up until that point, Northwestern’s class-selecting service, CAESAR, held that title. NUIT admitted its defeat after the film hit the box office this summer. However, NUIT is not to be outdone. According to Todd Robertson, NUIT’s head technician, next year’s edition of CAESAR will not only be equally as confusing as Nolan’s film, but it will also make researching and registering for classes

Read more Articles, Entertainment, Local, No. 47

Spin̈al Tap Unveils New 11G Network

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LONDON – Legendary 1980’s rock outfit Spin̈al Tap announced plans Thursday for the release of their own 11G wireless network to rival the current 4G technology operated by carriers such as Verizon, AT&T, and T-Mobile. “These other blokes are doing, you know, 3 or 4G, but we thought
why not eleven?” explained lead guitarist Nigel Tufnel, who found inspiration from his guitar amp’s volume range – which also extends fully up to 11. Technology analysts confirm that Tap’s surprise expansion into

Read more Articles, Business, Entertainment, No. 47

T.I. Lyrics Talk Suicidal Man Down From Roof

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ATLANTA—Rapper T.I. helped coax a suicidal man down from a hotel roof in midtown Atlanta on Wednesday, the Associated Press reported. One correspondent on the scene was able to listen to the conversation that took place between the hip-hop star and the would-be jumper. The following is a transcript of the exchange: T.I.: What up? What’s haapnin’??? Man: Not much. Ummmm
I’m standing on the ledge of a roof. I’m gonna jump and kill myself. T.I.: Why you wanna go and

Read more Entertainment, No. 42

A New Way for Girls to “Fake It”

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EVANSTON—In high school, a hickey was a mark of shame to be covered up discreetly with pounds of makeup or a well-placed scarf. In college, many young women are finding that the only way to get a guy is if he thinks you already have gotten plenty beforehand. This shift has been a phenomenon which sociologists and playboy photographers alike have been busy investigating in great depth. “Nobody wants to be a girl’s first anymore,” said senior A.J. Thomson. “That

Read more Entertainment, Local, No. 41

New Version of Auto-Tune Allows Male Pop Stars to Sound Like They Have Testicles

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SCOTTS VALLEY, CA—Antares Audio Technologies, publisher of the massively popular Auto-Tune music software, has announced a collection of major upgrades that will finally allow singers like Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers to sound like they have testicles. The new software uses specialized algorithms to boost the lower frequencies of a singer’s voice, and ensures that talentless pop stars and boy bands can at least retain a miniscule portion of their masculinity. Auto-Tune’s creator, Dr. Andy Hildebrand, has held a

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Dillo Day Issue: Ugh, Regina, Shut the Fuck Up Already

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Oh shit! This is really shitty music man. How long have I been out here? It’s only 1:34? Man, she’s been singing with that piano for the longest damn time. This music sucks! She’s hot though, so it’s ok. Wait, no, I think I’m starting to lose my buzz. She’s not as attractive now. I’m not as attractive now. Shit. Shit. Shit. Run back to the house, ok, jungle juice…no. Bud light…no. Ah, here it its, Smirnoff [gulp] ahhhhh no

Read more Entertainment, No. 37, Opinion
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