Sword Appears in the Rock: Who is Worthy?
Reports indicate that only an individual who has achieved greatness at Northwestern will be able to remove the weapon from the Rock.
Category Archives: Local
I’m so happy it’s not actually thunderstormig – Dillo 2017
“DRAM is bopping he’s so jazzy and smooth I love this but also when do I get redrunk.”
Jaded NU Cop Redistributing Fakes for Cheap
“You know these kids are just gonna buy a new ID after you take it from them. So why not start up a side business?”
Area Student Comes Crawling Back to Quiz Grade He was Going to Drop
Area student Eric Shaw, WCAS ’19, has reportedly come crawling back to the political science quiz he was going to drop.
NU Cop Talks Student Down from Trying to Study at the Lakefill
“You tell yourself that you’ll be different. That you can break the mold and keep studying.” he added. “But I’ve got news for everyone out there: you’re wrong. Don’t become another statistic.”
Evanston Resident Appalled to Learn He Lives Near College Students
“I’m actually kind of relieved. I thought he was angry at me because I’m black,” Howard said.
Sophomore Shotgunning PBR at 8 am Feeling Ambitious Today
He then proceeded to turn on the shower to wash off all the excess beer that had dribbled down his neck and chest.
NU Announces Transformation of Chicken Shack into Chicken Global Hub
The new Chicken Global Hub is expected to encompass the entirety of the block between Ridge and Garnett, tearing down numerous homes and causing a spike in property values for those remaining, bathed in the delicious scent of fried chicken.
Class of 2021 Dance Song to be Penny Whistle Solo from ‘Titanic’
It has also been rumored that the board may be holding auditions for a penny whistle player the lead the army of awkward and purple-clad freshman onto Ryan Field during halftime.
RTVF Senior Stakes Out Panhandling Spot Outside Evanston Library
“It was a difficult spot to snatch,” said Hanley. “A creative writing grad from last year had been hanging out there, but I scared her off with my even bleaker outlook.”