Smart Dillo Only Gets 28 on ACT
According to initial estimates, this places Smart Dillo into the 58th percentile among armadillos nationwide.
Category Archives: Articles
Student Lists 19 Likely Places He Lost his Keys
The freshman disclosed that his keys and wallet could also be at the Hooters in Peoria; or in Tashkent, Uzbekistan; or in the third stall from the left in the Norris ground floor bathroom.
Student Decides to Sell Wristband A$AP
The student initially thought that Mayfest was using a code to announce the artist, and through conjecture had determined the artist to be featured was most likely to be Fergie or Lorde in a Trap.
Razor Scooter Epidemic Hits Northwestern
The infection soon spread all over campus, and latest reports indicate that up to fifty students could be afflicted.
Professor Relieved Student Corrected Error on Slide
The student said he was proud of how he holds professors accountable for their mistakes.
STUDY: Theater Kids are Weird
EVANSTON — A study released earlier today by Anthropology professor Dr. Martin Robinson reports the conclusion that theater majors are weird. Furthermore, he found that despite being highly extroverted and sharing their lives with everyone, they are often quite loud and obnoxious. Robinson said that he was first drawn to research theater major culture after he heard numerous reports of the “loud, obnoxious theater kids all over Norris.” He then conducted a thorough study that compared 50 theater majors with
Mayfest: Disappointments to Headline Dillo
“We’re really excited to play for an audience who most likely hasn’t heard our chart-bottoming hit Swipe Right for Me. And if we get really drunk we might play some shitty songs like Smells Like Teen Spirit or All-Star.”
Speaker to Speak at NU
This is the Yamaha STAGEPAS 600i’s final stop on its college campus tour that has been widely publicized ever since it gained consciousness earlier this year.
4 Steps to Get Your Ideal Dad Bod in 30 Days
Your beverage of choice should be beer, and when we say beverage of choice, we mean the ONLY ACCEPTABLE BEVERAGE. Start knocking back those PBRs and Busch Lights now to give you a head start.
Study: Students Who Don’t Buy Hot Dogs Love Cancer
This overthrows the previous assumption that individuals who chose to not buy hot dogs either didn’t like hot dogs or did not have the $2 necessary to purchase one.