Drunk Friend at Tailgate Will Totally Get Lunch with You Soon
Unfortunately, their spring quarter interactions were limited to quick hugs on Sheridan accompanied by hurried apologies for not staying longer.
Author Archives: Lena Goren
Area Freshman Plans Trip to Skokie to Break Evanston Bubble
“The best sushi I’ve ever had,” commented Patricia Woods, WCAS ’20, a premed chemistry student, originally from Ames, Iowa. “It tastes like someone from Japan actually made it!”
Op Ed: It’s Awkward to Have a Woman on the Money I Use to Tip Strippers
“Because generous tippers like myself find it weird to see a woman on the money we use to tip strippers, and an old woman at that.”
iPhone Ruined as FBI Waterboards Siri
“We didn’t see the problem at the time,” The FBI announced at a press conference, holding a still-wet iPhone suspended in a bag of uncooked rice.
Op Ed: Plexican is Cultural Appropriation
How can we claim to be a liberal university when such crimes of bigotry are happening under our very noses?
Area Grandma Just Confused Why You Can’t Find a Nice Jewish Boy
“What about the boys from that nice Jewish fraternity? You’re mother said some of them were pretty cute, you’d have someone to go to Hillel events with!”
An Open Letter to the Man Sitting Alone in Tech Express
I hope you’re doing well and that you’re comfortable sitting at that big table all by yourself. I can see that you like sushi based on the half-eaten Seafood Delight sitting two feet to your right.
4 Steps to Get Your Ideal Dad Bod in 30 Days
Your beverage of choice should be beer, and when we say beverage of choice, we mean the ONLY ACCEPTABLE BEVERAGE. Start knocking back those PBRs and Busch Lights now to give you a head start.
Dillo Day Website Hints at Headliner Illuminati
Here, you see that the outline of the logo is a hexagon. A hexagon has six sides. Six divided by two is three. Now you begin to see.
Things that were Popular when T-Pain was Popular
2007 was really the golden age for a lot of popstars, but none so much as Britney Spears. Sure, she’s done some stuff since, but the only Britney we want has a shaved head and brandishes an umbrella.