Northwestern Flipside

“I know college students take a lot of flak for wanting ‘safe spaces,’ but there’s just no room on campus for this kind of hate speech.”

Unfortunately, their spring quarter interactions were limited to quick hugs on Sheridan accompanied by hurried apologies for not staying longer.

The Northwestern Alumni Association declined to comment on the affair, but Hinman CSO Mike Hanson says this isn’t unusual for Homecoming weekend.

Despite hours of intensely practicing George Michael’s hit singles, she reported being told to “shut the fuck up,” and to “douse that piece of shit in oil and light it up.”

Since Monday evening, 30% of Wilson’s Gen Chem students have dropped chem, declaring majors in the humanities.

“It was a great run,” said Bone. “I’m so grateful the American people treated me so well all that time. There were some great moments.”

“He seemed a little embarrassed about holding the bag.”

“It was as if I had told them I wanted to have an abortion or transfer to McCormick—surprise, then a quick shared glance, then guilt, then forced smiles and a hug.”

“I get a lot more of my news from uncomfortable urinal conversations when I decide to pee adjacent to another dude in an empty restroom than I do from the Daily.”