Guy at Omelet Station Really Not Fucking around with His Order
In a voice as frigid and unwavering as a February breeze off Lake Michigan the young man declared, “Make it with egg whites.”
Category Archives: Articles
New Restaurant, “Just Yogurt,” Touts Its Use of All-Natural Bacteria
“Just Yogurt is a great example of how businesses can practice sustainable bacterial processes and satisfy their customers’ needs.”
STUDY: All Your Friends Are out of Class for the Summer
Your friend went on to describe, in detail, the number of “baes” who have descended upon your hometown, eager to indulge in alcohol and sexual relations. He indicated that he is taking full advantage of the opportunities.
Area Third Graders Eager to Contribute to Gross Output Indicator
Many referred to a recent survey by the Pew Institute where 82% indicated they picked their nose recently, 74% said they’d picked a scab, and 22% reported having eaten a bug or worm intentionally in the past 60 days.
What Tour Guides Don’t Say: Dining and Housing
Taste? Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Honestly, when you’re busy cramming for four midterms, the way your food tastes is the least of your concerns.
New ASG Secret Police to Protect Senators from Peer Pressure
Modeled after the historically sophisticated state security agencies in the Soviet bloc, the agency will focus on counterintelligence operations with a heavy focus on sabotage of political dissidence.
Area Man Dons Pirate Hat While Streaming Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Davenport insisted that he was not wearing the pirate hat because the movie he was watching was about pirates. “I AM a pirate,” said Davenport. “I wear this hat all the time!”
Chet Haze (SoC ’13) To Take Over Colbert Report
Haze’s Grade-A video production talents, sophisticated eloquence and thoughtful comments made him an ideal candidate for the position, in addition to his strong social media presence and Vine game.
OPINION: Ukranians Shouldn’t Worry, Poutine Is Delicious
Do the other eastern European countries not like poutine either? What do they eat on their French fries instead? Ketchup?
Freshman’s Sentence to 30 Days in Plex Sparks Human Rights Controversy
George Davis of the newly-created Office of Creative Disciplinary Action said the university was getting a lot of pushback from peer institutions but decided to proceed regardless, as “the little shits started drinking fancier booze than I do.”