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A Message from the Anglo-Saxon Student Alliance: Please Celebrate Memorial Day Respectfully

May 16, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

Dear fellow Northwestern students, As Memorial Day rapidly approaches, the members of the Anglo-Saxon Student Alliance would like to take a moment remind all members of the Wildcat community to please celebrate this time-honored and all-American holiday respectfully. Please remember that eating hot-dogs, hamburgers, and inordinate amounts of pie is not representative of American culture. In fact it marginalizes and offends entire sectors of our community who would prefer cheeseburgers and hot-fudge sundaes. Spending time sun-bathing, swimming and playing backyard

NRA Denounces 3D-Printed Guns as Deadly, Free

May 15, 2013 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

NASHVILLE, TN — NRA Executive Vice President/Walking Effigy Wayne LaPierre took to the stage today to thoroughly denounce the recent spate of “3D-printed” guns as irresponsible, deadly, and a major unchecked threat to the security of his end of year bonus. Speaking to a rapt, ravenous audience of gun owners who seemingly didn’t have anywhere else to be on a Monday afternoon, LaPierre framed the plastic, largely-untraceable devices (which could become increasingly problematic as the price of 3D printers drop)

Northwestern’s Own Costume Gala: Things for Spring

May 14, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

EVANSTON — Following the Met’s annual Costume Institute Gala on May 6th, Northwestern students have been experimenting with some trends of their own. While most Wildcats may not be wild enough to try out Kim’s Mrs. Doubtfire look, here are the Flipside Fashion Department’s favorite on-trend things for spring: Spirit Jerseys Do you like to wear over-sized clothing so no one actually knows what your size or general body type is? Are you ever tempted to throw what

Jeff Skilling On Early Prison Release: “Well, That Was a Freebie”

May 13, 2013 Matt Clarkston Leave a comment

HOUSTON, TX — Jeff Skilling, the former CEO of Enron, will have 10 years removed from his prison sentence for his role in the collapse of the Houston-based energy company. Skilling could be out of prison as soon as 2017, at which point he will have spent nearly 10 years in jail. After hearing the news of his early release, Mr. Skilling sat down with The Flipside for an interview. NF: What went through your mind when you heard about your

SPOILER ALERT: You Should Have Read The Great Gatsby by Now

May 12, 2013 Allison Ortega Leave a comment

If you’re one of many people out there who are still clinging to their last hopes of being surprised by the new film adaptation of The Great Gatsby because you were too lazy to Sparknote it in high school, turn back now. Let’s just get one thing straight, “spoiler alerts” should be rendered void after a book has been published for, oh, I don’t know, ALMOST A CENTURY. Be honest with yourself for a minute and realize that if you

Whale Beached on South Beach, Best Day of Marine Biologist’s Life

May 10, 2013 Brian Earl Leave a comment

EVANSTON — A humpback whale washed ashore South Beach today and became beached when it could not move itself back into deeper waters. The whale remains on the beach now, but four Northwestern seniors who were playing volleyball at the time of the beaching responded quickly. They are providing continuous aid in order to keep the whale alive until the crane building the new music building can be requisitioned to lift the whale back into the lake. Weinberg senior Katie

Illini Dub Wildside Members Heroes for Cancelling World of Beer Event

May 9, 2013 Min Lee Leave a comment

EVANSTON — After a heavy uproar by Northwestern community and subsequent cancellation of University of Illinois’ alumni event at the Evanston World of Beer, originally scheduled for Wednesday, May 8, one would expect the Illini to be less than pleased. However, the Illini are hailing Wildside members, who rallied students together in protest of the Northwestern rival’s near-campus event, as heroes. John White, a member of the Illinois class of 2000 and a current resident of Peoria, said, “I wasn’t

A&O Sponsored Geographer Concert Disappoints Geography Majors

May 8, 2013 Allison Ortega Leave a comment

EVANSTON — Last Sunday A&O hosted a Dance Marathon benefit concert featuring the San Francisco band Geographer. The concert was held out on the Norris East Lawn and was well attended, though the crowd was a departure from the indie band’s usual fan base. Geographer’s manager described the band’s average fan as “a young blond girl with a California tan, usually wearing some combination of swimwear and clothes that I can only assume she stole out of her grandmother’s closet.”

High School Student Arrested, Deported, then Arrested Again

May 8, 2013 Dan Weinberg Leave a comment

MIAMI, FL — Failing to learn from the example of Kiera Wilmot in Bartow, FL, a Miami student, 16-year-old Gabriella Silva, arrived at Vargas High School this past Tuesday with a water bottle filled with a mixture of household cleaning products, capped with aluminum foil. A reaction between the chemicals in the cleaners and the aluminum foil produced hydrogen gas and a resulting pressure build-up inside of the bottle. Eventually the top popped off in a firecracker-like explosion with a

PRESS RELEASE: Plan B for Kids is the Perfect Companion to an Abstinence-Only Sexual Education

May 7, 2013 Flippy Leave a comment

TEVA PHARMACEUTICALS — New legislation will soon enable women above the age of 15 to purchase Plan B One-Step® emergency contraceptive without parental consent. This is an exciting time for Teva Pharmaceuticals shareholders, and the company is proud to announce that it has been awarded an exclusive patent for production and sale of a new once-a-day contraceptive: “Plan B for Kids.” These chewable daily vitamins, an essential part of any balanced breakfast, deliver a clinical dosage of levonorgestrel in teenager-approved