Morty Grapefruited by Wife
Sources report that Morty was in fact at Auntie Angel’s event, where she demonstrated how to use common fruits and vegetables for erotic pleasure.
Five-Star Engineering Recruit Verbally Commits to McCormick
Conforto has not been free from out-of-the-classroom controversy, however. Some of his former high school mathletes allege he once tried a sip of beer at a party.
Hillary Clinton Sends Out Thousands of “Follow 4 Follow?” Tweets
“Kids these days are all on their phones doing the texting and tweeting I believe they call it,” Clinton told Flipside reporters.
Mayfest Confirms Collard Greens as Dillo Indie Act
“We’re very excited to have Greens at Dillo,” commented Anderson. “We’ve been watching her grow for a couple years and she’s poised to break into the indie scene any decade now.”
Professor: Okay. Sent from my iPhone.
Olstead said that she deduced the email was sent from the professor’s iPhone.
Searle Doctor Consults WebMD for Second, First Opinion
“As I was telling the doctor my symptoms, she was quickly typing them into her iPhone, and when I finished, she immediately told me I had cancer.”
White Student Drops Intro to Islam after Joke Bombs
“When he walked in the room the first day of the quarter and started riffing about Aladdin and magic carpets, I had a feeling he wouldn’t last long,” classmate Shannon Halpert said.
Marginalized Voices Thankful to Be Misrepresented By Mainstream Sympathizers
“It’s awesome to be dragged along as a convenient symbol in a self-righteous display of social awareness.”
Op-Ed: Who is Daniel and Why is He Damned?
“I’m not entirely sure, but “white Vans” sounds like a drug reference, and I’m worried that this Daniel is addicted to meth or heroin, which really would be damning.”
Birds Fly Back South
“Northwestern’s birds are some of the best and brightest in the school’s history, and if they’re fed up with the cold, it may be best not to leave your Canada Goose back in Santa Barbara.”