Steve Hagerty in Cahoots with Russian Studies Department
“A few days before the election, our headquarters were broken into. I almost didn’t notice until I tripped on a heavily annotated copy of Dostoevsky’s The Idiot.”
Author Archives: Flippy
Op-Ed: If You Read It Right, The Dillo Map Will Show You Where the Bodies Are
Then it hit me. This map was no perimeter for moral degradation and clinical diseases: it was a guide to discovering the hidden truths of Dillo—and human flesh.
Sorority Girl Already Planning Vomit Spot for this Weekend’s Blackout
Her itinerary includes nine drinks, three frats, two random boys, and one trip to Lisa’s to end the night.
Area Boyfriend Watches The Notebook to Get Head
“How did he get such a good idea? If I ever get a girlfriend, I know what movie I’ll watch.”
Area Man to Stop Calling Women “Females” For Valentine’s Day
Women should be able to not have sex if they don’t want to, Holbrook said, provided that they’ll still do “stuff under the table at Chili’s.”
Sophomore Remains Unfazed by Read Receipts on “Hey” Texts
“I’m sure she’s just busy. Or playing hard to get. I get that from chicks a ton.”
Women’s March to Conveniently End at Neiman Marcus
“Many of us have returns in our trunks and they’re having a great sale—20% off to accommodate the 20% less we get on our paychecks.”
Area Douchebag Turns to Kant in Times of Crisis
His classmates can’t wait for him to go to a small liberal arts college, where he’ll eventually become philosophy professor and never be heard from again.
Trump Generously Offers Clinton the Position of Secretary
The Trump transition team suggested that the job offer was Hillary’s biggest win since the popular vote.
Weed So Totally Legal, Dude
Mimsy, a fucking moron, agrees that weed lets people connect and try to get along.