Other Chipotle workers expressed similar beliefs about Klight’s generosity and holiness, and reportedly pray for the day when he returns and puts a single dollar bill into the tip jar.
Category Archives: No. 222
“We start each day by listening to Coldplay’s ‘Fix You’ and ‘Yellow.’ Then we shuffle to the Lakefill with our heads pointed downward. Finally we pick up the slimmest of stones, muse on the mutability of existence, and ultimately launch the minerals into the vast unknown they call Lake Michigan.”
“I’m always paranoid that people will be talking about me,” said Steinhauer, who had turned off his podcast and was trying to make eye contact, “And it’s scary to think that I was right.”
“A few days before the election, our headquarters were broken into. I almost didn’t notice until I tripped on a heavily annotated copy of Dostoevsky’s The Idiot.”
“The establishment may have poisoned these kids’ minds, but I’m the one who’ll bring out the truth in their hearts!” said Farnigan with a look of crazed euphoria.
The other major reform I would suggest is that McCormick split its “Whole Brain Engineering” program into academic courses of study into Right Brain and Left Brain Engineering…Right Brain engineers wouldn’t need to learn any of that math shit, while Left Brain engineers would be exempt from DTC or any other course that involves communication with another human being.
While many assumed they must be working on a new building or the steam pipes or something, it turns out that they aren’t actually building anything at all, so don’t worry about it.
And you claim to be better than me because of your brains? Say that again after I kick you into the Lakefill, King Dweeb.
The instigator of Enright’s ire was a platter of carrot muffins in the dining hall’s vegan section.
While giddily walking away from the prize counter, Northwestern president Morton Schapiro told reporters today that he had exchanged 200 Dave & Busters tickets for a Wildcats nightlight. “I’m a really big Northwestern sports fan, so I’m super excited to have my very own Wildcats nightlight. Oh boy!” Morty exclaimed. Morty reportedly earned the 200 tickets over several hours playing Skee-Ball, whack-a-mole, and pop-a-shot basketball. He was chaperoned around the venue by members of the Board of Trustees. “You should