Students Rate Dining Hall Food Third Best Thing They’ve Eaten Today Behind Tears and Semen
âAt least the first two come quickly.â
Category Archives: Featured
“Being a Lightweight Saves Money,” Claims Vomiting Freshman
Sources say Tarver consumed only three standard drinks over two and a half hours on Saturday, though Tarver claims that he poured âlike, a couple shots worthâ of liquor into each of his disgusting vodka Sprites.
Air-Drying Freshman Maybe A Little Too Confident
âTowels are just so constricting, you know?â Stevens told the Flipside while sitting naked in a lounge.
Classes Cancelled as Morty Loses Key to Northwestern
âThis definitely isnât the first time Morty has had to cancel class due to his forgetfulness. One day during my sophomore year, we couldnât have morning classes because Morty forgot to wake up the professors.â
Freshman Makes Eye Contact 14 Times in One Day
“Iâll stare right into their eyes and not say a single word. If their pupils dilate, that means itâs working.â
NU Father Holding Out Hope Son Declares Econ His âReal Majorâ
âLast Thanksgiving, his mother and I said that we would support him whatever he ended up choosing,â said the elder Isaacs before adding âbutâ and four reasons why economics is âjust so much more employable.â
Primal Scream Occurs Early This Year on National Boyfriend Day
The police report revealed countless moans of varying pitches and intensities accompanied by loud banging around 9 PM on Tuesday.
University Renames North and South Campus as Left Brain Campus and Right Brain Campus
âWho are we fooling with this âone cohesive campusâ bullshit?â, added an anonymous tour guide.
âTrumpet,â Answers Bienen Student Before Being Asked
Jozek attributed the outburst to two weeks of being asked by other Bienen students what instrument he played.
Diversity TND Teaches White Jewish Freshmen from the Chicago Area Theyâre Not Alone
Morty: âWe have students from more Chicago suburbs than ever before; as a matter of fact, we only took 40 kids from ETHS this year!â