At 9 p.m. last night, chess club president Jonny Kaplan, MEAS ’18, found the room he’d reserved in Kresge completely empty, burst into tears and cried out “They must have midterms!”
“The first time he locked me out and I tried opening the door, he yelled ‘don’t come in!’ with an alarming amount of panic in his voice, so I naturally assumed he was in there with a girl.”
“It was hard to tell with those Physics kids, but it all became clear when we entered an English classroom. Those kids wouldn’t go near a number unless it had to do with the grade they think decides their future.”
Wells proceeded to stop in the middle of an extremely crowded Sheridan and begin crying so vehemently, onlookers thought she might have suddenly started a hyena-like street performance.
“Experts say Jones was supplying the MGMT to students via iPod Nanos.”
“I’m into Poli Sci, sorta. I guess. But I also think bio might be cool. Oh and journalism could be interesting. Honestly, who knows?”
Most members of Mayfest have agreed that if Dillo is only rained out, they can deal with more “Fuck Mayfest” messages. One member said they had gotten used to it and even kind of missed it.
Magicians, who often have to skip high school dances in order to hone their skills, have historically struggled to gain any sort of interest from women.
The form process is expected to take two to three business days, after which the representatives on the third floor will hand off the supplies to the treasurers, that is if they can find your specific set of bottles and needles in the piles of paperwork laying around.
Repeatedly stopping to calm down the jittery college president, sources reported today that Northwestern landscaping officials told Morton Schapiro all about the birds and the bees.