Opinion | Northwestern Flipside

Category Archives: Opinion

The Flipside’s Best Ways to Accomodate Puerto Rican Star on the U.S. Flag

November 17, 2012 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO — Puerto Rico’s majority vote for statehood this past Tuesday raised perhaps the most unsettling question of the entire campaign season. For more than fifty years, the U.S. flag has represented an achievement in both symbolism and geometry, and in that light, a 51st star could be as controversial as Obamacare. We propose here the most viable solutions to this potential configurational cataclysm: 1. Combine the Dakotas, population now about the same as New Hampshire. 2.

Area Squirrel Won’t Shut Up Outside My Window

November 15, 2012 Brian Earl Leave a comment

NEW YORK EVANSTON — As area Flipside reporter Brian Earl was sitting down to write an article about the impact Hurricane Sandy had on the New York subway system, he was rudely interrupted by a squirrel screeching outside his window. “Hurricane Sandy Ironically Clears Subway Tunnels of Sand,” typed Earl, chuckling to his handsome self, prepared to regale the world with his brilliance. All of a sudden — and mid-word, no less — a squirrel went “MRAAP MRAAP MRAAP!” “How

The Campaign in Review: Musings from Rafalca Romney

November 14, 2012 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

Not only could I have done a better job checking Paul Ryan’s math by stamping my left hoof, but I probably could have conveyed a better understanding of the American tax-bracket breakdown based on my observations of barnyard social structure.

The Flipside’s First Quadrennial Editorial Board Presidential Endorsement

November 4, 2012 Brian Earl Leave a comment

After considering all probable consequences on ourselves, on the United States, on the whole world, and most importantly, on The Northwestern Flipside, we are proud to endorse Governor Mitt Romney and Vice President Joe Biden for president and vice president in the 2012 election.

History Teacher a Real Dickwad for Scheduling Test the Monday after Halloween Weekend

October 29, 2012 Clare Roth Leave a comment

By Harry Barbash, Sophomore Economics Major What the fuck, Professor Donaghy? Do you have any idea what happened this last weekend? You think there was time to study for a midterm about the Celts in the 11th century? Because there sure as shit was not. Let’s start with the obvious. Halloween is the peak time for drunken revelry. Halloween just sweetens the crowded-apartment-party pot. Hookups become even more anonymous as you grind up on whatever masked person’s behind you. Alcohol

Great Job Building up College into an Unattainable Ideal!

September 13, 2012 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

Hey there! You remember me, right? I’m everyone’s favorite killjoy; the name’s Reality. … I can’t wait to chat with you about overbearing midterms, the disappointing social scene, and your crushing feelings of wasted potential. I’ll even try not to laugh.

A Farewell Message from the NU Flipside Founder

June 9, 2012 Nick Zessis One comment

Dear humble Flipside reader, The Stanford Flipside beat me to this, but I guess there’s a precedent now. Like most new student groups at Northwestern, our first task was pivotal: gaining recognition from the omnipotent governing body known as ASG. By the way, ASG actually stands for “A Status Groupsgetallthefunding,” but that’s a story for another farewell message, a much more cynical and ill-tempered farewell message. Yes, that is the best fake acronym I could come up with. I was

[His Campus] An Exploration South of Tech

May 31, 2012 Alex Finkelstein One comment

We engineers never have any need to go to south campus, but in case you accidentally find yourself there, here are some descriptions to help you get a lay of the land and get back north as fast as possible. Kresge – The Tech of south campus. When south campus people say that they get lost in Tech, pretend they said Kresge and you will understand their pain. Main Library – An inferior version of Tech Library. From an architectural

[His Campus] Guest Column: From a Real Live Girl – “Please Stop Staring at Me”

May 30, 2012 Clare Roth Leave a comment

It started innocently enough. A quick glance to check if I was really a member of the female sex and not some unhygienic, ponytailed MechE guy in a sweatshirt. But now you are definitely creeping me out.

[His Campus] Dear McCormick…

May 29, 2012 Brian Earl Leave a comment

This week, His Campus’s weekly advice column tackles three thorny issues: how to deal with parents, methods to become “better-endowed,” and what to do if you like a girl.