Study: The Best and the Brightest Can Still Be Pretty Dumb
In his research, Dr. Critter has studied numerous incidents where Northwestern students have repeatedly done things that are “just plain stupid.”
Category Archives: Articles
Area Student Disturbed by Lack of Stress in Life
“There’s just so many hours in the day. I always have time to complete my homework five days in advance, attend four meetings a day, and sing my baby sister to sleep on the phone.”
Santorum Pulls Out
“This isn’t the first time in my life that I have pulled out,” he said. “In fact, I believe that I have become an expert at judging when to pull out.”
Op Ed: It’s Time for Paid Fraternity Leave
“Paid fraternity leave will end discrimination based on Greek affiliation and make our society better because of it.”
SPAC Construction Perfect Excuse Not to Go to Gym
Despite the fact that no other part of the gym is under construction, many students reportedly feel that they just cannot get a decent workout in these conditions.
Evanston Food Bank to Host Bienen Graduate Nights
“This gives us the opportunity to reach out even more to a population that is clearly faced with extreme socioeconomic disadvantages.”
Sheridan Construction Worker Laying the Pipe So Hard
He can be seen sticking his rod into Sheridan just north of the Kellogg building.
Jeb Bush Shoots Someone, Does Not Get Away With It
After his atrocious loss in Monday’s Iowa Caucus, Jeb Bush reportedly decided to take a move out of Donald Trump’s playbook and shoot somebody. Bush, however, did not get way with it.
Morty Invites Mayor Tisdahl to His “Safe Space”
A recent email chain recovered by Flipside reporters exposes an exchange between Northwestern President Morton Schapiro and Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl.
Donald Trump Molests Child; Jumps Twelve Points In Polls
Trump, when reached for comment, talked about his “huge schlong”. “A real great schlong I have on me. People say that it is the nicest schlong in the world.