UN Realizes It Forgot to Crown Winner in Space Race
“It was outrageous!” said Andrei Karamazov, while knocking back a flask of clear liquid that he insisted was “potato soup.”
Category Archives: Articles
Sophomore Beats Borderlands, Misses Orgo Midterm
Despite knowing that his organic chemistry class had a midterm later that night, di Sol opted for a short game of Borderlands: The Pre Sequel which then devolved into a sixteen-hour time commitment.
Green House’s Alternative Strategy for Green Cup
It seemed that Green House couldn’t do anything else to reduce their energy consumption. They already avoid doing laundry, showering, and staying up past 4:30 PM to use less electricity.
Basic Girl’s Guide to Winter at Northwestern
Not in a sorority? You said you wanted to be basic, right? Well, on a scale of one to Miley Cyrus, you are wrong. Reconsider your lifestyle choices and try again.
Northwestern Weather Update: WAT DA HAIL?!?!
At around 3:00pm on Friday October 31st, Evanston’s environment was met with extremely powerful winds and massive amounts of hail….
Taylor Swift Writes Breakup Song for Spotify
After a series of very public fights between world-famous country star Taylor Swift and her perennial on-and-off-again fling with Spotify users, the singer did what she does best: she wrote a vengeful breakup song.
Election Day “Red Wave” Leaves Behind Millions of Casualties
Casualty estimates have reached 100% for immigrants, 100% for blacks and Mexicans, and 99% for women.
NCAA Rejects Northwestern’s Request to Curve Football Scores
“I was hoping a curve would bring my pass completion rate up to at least like, an 80%,” said Trevor Siemian, Northwestern’s quarterback.
A Eulogy for Buffalo W. Wings
I still remember the day that Buffalo, affectionately known as B-Dubs, arrived in Evanston
How to Sexile Your Parents: A Guide to Family Weekend
Learn how to sexile your parents in just three easy steps! Love comes in many forms…