Sex Offenders to Be Reintroduced to Community through Political Office
“Cosigners allayed concerns of molesters worldwide and sent the message that they would under no circumstances be held accountable for their actions.”
Category Archives: Articles
Rest of Clubs Fair Horrified by Mathletesâ âSlave Leiaâ Recruiting Tactic
The presence of Slave Leia led to more interest in their organization than ever before, with over 400 signups to their listserv and 75 phone numbers given directly to “Leia.”
Morty Spills His Commencement Chili All Over Himself Before Big Speech
âI knew I should have put on my Willie the Wildcat apron before dishing out such a hearty bowl of chili.â
World Cup Postponed After Ball Rolls Into Old Man Jenkins’ Yard
âNo way Iâm going over there,â Silva told reporters. âOld Man Jenkins is scary. He kills boys that sneak into his yard and cooks them into a stew.â
âMeetMeAtNorrisâ Hashtag Most Commonly Used Before Drug Transactions
Students interviewed overwhelmingly agreed that that using the hash tag âMeetMeAtNorrisâ allows them to maximize their illegal activity during ten minute passing periods.
Vines Whale at Dillo Actually Just ETHS Student Looking to Cop Some Beer
The whale was reportedly seen going up to students, taking pictures with them, then asking, âyou got some booze I can bum off you,â in the deepest voice he could muster.
Area Senior Swears this Dillo is the Dillo He Finally Gets Laid
Cornelius will have an uphill battle ahead of himâthat is, in addition to losing his virginity, he also has to talk to a female for the first time.
âLol, More Like Dildo Day, Am I Rightâ says Local Loser in Attempt to Pick up Chicks
Local sources have reported that area freshman Barry Danovar reportedly said âLol, more like Dildo Day, am I rightâ at a local party in an attempt to pick up chicks last night.
Freshman Nonchalantly Googles âWho is Pusher Teeâ Mid-Conversation
“I didnât know what any of those words meant, but I figured Iâd start with finding out who this Pusher Tee is.â
Meghan Markle to Attend Dillo to Shirk Royal Family Responsibilities
âThe last time I was this stressed was when I got a terrible registration time for winter quarter of freshman year and found out the only open classes I could take were Orgo, EA, and EECS 211.â