All I need to do is glance at my phone and see “Daily Notification Dashboard Summary,” “Daily Notification Dashboard Summary,” and of course the less common “Daily Notification Dashboard Summary” to know that my tuition is paying for something.
Siri is confident she can win this landmark case, striking a blow against Siri-abusers everywhere.
“Due to the drastic levels of Flappy Bird being played on this campus, I’m instituting threat level DEFCON 0.003. In other words, this is the most serious threat to our Northwestern community since classes were held during the polar vortex.”
According to Microsoft, over 1 million Xbox One consoles were sold in its first twenty-four hours on the market, and only several people were trampled or robbed in the process. These figures match those of the PS4 release, which Sony said also were about 1 million consoles in its first twenty-four hours.
After a series of third-party retweets and favorites, stock traders on Wall Street began to react, fearing that the popularity of the conflict would divert attention from advertisements and reduce the profitability of the website. Shares fell from the IPO price of $26 to $13 in less than an hour.
After analyzing the data, Chanis was shocked to find the most common response being “the lack of consistent Wi-Fi” (31%), outpacing even the expected “I don’t have the time” response (24%) and the “I’m not a motherf—–g pervert!” retort (22%).
Starting this winter, students will have the option of working for Taiwanese manufacturer Foxconn in a “hands-on” role designed to “give students valuable media production experience” by having them produce DVD cases, Kindles, and iPods.
NASHVILLE, TN — NRA Executive Vice President/Walking Effigy Wayne LaPierre took to the stage today to thoroughly denounce the recent spate of “3D-printed” guns as irresponsible, deadly, and a major unchecked threat to the security of his end of year bonus. Speaking to a rapt, ravenous audience of gun owners who seemingly didn’t have anywhere else to be on a Monday afternoon, LaPierre framed the plastic, largely-untraceable devices (which could become increasingly problematic as the price of 3D printers drop)
SEATTLE, WA — According to new market research, web contents containing mere references to social networking services generate more traffic and are more likely to go “viral.” Twitter. Lance, Quarts & Associates, a market research firm based in Redmond, Washington, recently published the findings based on a year-long study which tracked online behaviors of 20,000 randomly chosen internet users. Pinterest. The study finds that webpages that contain references to social networking services increase overall website traffic by 34.2 percent and
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — A local internet start-up, Business Organization, Ideas, Solutions, and Energy, last week launched a marketing campaign that BOISE President and CEO Mark Thompson could only describe as “a complete and utter failure.” Thompson, whose company strives to provide “strategies, tips, and directions” to improve the efficiency and productivity of businesses worldwide, said his Marketing Intern, Billy Keyman, came up with the idea of giving away a $300 Amazon.com gift certificate as a way to drum up business.