NFL Mascot Changes Make for Interesting Postseason
Sports analysts predict the New Orleans Naked People could potentially end up with the Vince Lombardi trophy this year.
Category Archives: Sports
NFL Pressures Cleveland Browns to Change Name
âThe word âBrownsâ simply has too many negative connotations. Itâs not just that the color is synonymous with dirt and filth. We donât want people to think that our league hates both Indians and Indians!â
Football Team Disappointed in Lack of Post-Game Chick-Fil-A
Senior captain Brandon Vitabile commented on the unfortunate situation. âI canât believe it. To come all this way only to find out it was all for nothing.”
Northwestern Athlete Makes Invaluable Contribution to Discussion Section
“He gave such an outstanding insight into our topic that I immediately felt guilty about all of the times I devalued his academic worth.”
Notre Dame Changes Religious Affiliation to “Agnostic”
SOUTH BEND, IN â After a hard fought loss to the Northwestern Wildcats, the University of Notre Dame has decided to change its religious affiliation from Catholic to Agnostic. The first of its kind, Notre Dameâs newfound institutional agnosticism was predicated on the overwhelming sense of confusion, frustration, and spiritual suffering following the Fighting Irishâs Saturday evening loss. âAfter such a clear display of the lack of justice and righteousness on this earth, Notre Dame felt it was unconscionable to
NCAA Rejects Northwesternâs Request to Curve Football Scores
âI was hoping a curve would bring my pass completion rate up to at least like, an 80%,” said Trevor Siemian, Northwesternâs quarterback.
Commissioner of Baseball Investigating Allegations of Witchcraft against San Francisco Giants
If Selig does find evidence that [a witch doctor] has been âfixingâ games, it could lead to the Giantsâ retroactive disqualification from the 2014 World Series, passing on the title to the Kansas City Royals.
OPINION: I Could Husk Corn at the Age of 3
When I was three years old, my Pa-Paw handed me a bucket of corn and told me to get to work. Iâd never done this before, but three-year-old me picked it right up.
Man Who Doesnât Follow Football Fails to Create Accurate Mock Draft
Walters predicted that the Jaguars would draft an actual jaguar with the third overall pick. “I donât think thereâs a rule football players need to be human. The Jaguars will never lose again with this pick!”
The 2014 Spring Formal Draft Helps Students Pick Dates
Weâve rated Northwesternâs top 100 prospects, from the good to the bad to the nonexistent. Just like the NFL draft, weâre not picking any RBs and weâre definitely not picking Kain Colter.