Tag Archives: Facebook

Market Research Suggest Mentioning Social Networking Sites Increases Traffic; Facebook

SEATTLE, WA — According to new market research, web contents containing mere references to social networking services generate more traffic and are more likely to go “viral.” Twitter. Lance, Quarts & Associates, a market research firm based in Redmond, Washington, recently published the findings based on a year-long study which tracked online behaviors of 20,000 randomly chosen internet users. Pinterest. The study finds that webpages that contain references to social networking services increase overall website traffic by 34.2 percent and

No One Claims Free $300 Gift Card; QR Code Only Way to Access Prize

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — A local internet start-up, Business Organization, Ideas, Solutions, and Energy, last week launched a marketing campaign that BOISE President and CEO Mark Thompson could only describe as “a complete and utter failure.” Thompson, whose company strives to provide “strategies, tips, and directions” to improve the efficiency and productivity of businesses worldwide, said his Marketing Intern, Billy Keyman, came up with the idea of giving away a $300 Amazon.com gift certificate as a way to drum up business.

Area Man Defriends Facebook “Friend” on Friend’s Birthday

MILWAUKEE, WI — Milwaukee native George Waterson defriended his Facebook friend David Debbleby Monday night. Monday was Debbleby’s birthday. “I really don’t like David,” said Waterson. “I had actually forgotten we were still Facebook friends, but I guess he was just hidden from my newsfeed.” The two became Facebook friends in 2007, when both men were in the same group for a high school English project that involved a computer slideshow presentation, a speech, a short written report, and the

New Sorority Pledge in Love With Her Sisters, Unsure of All Their Names

EVANSTON — Lambda Omicron Lambda’s newest sister Maggie Kelter announced Thursday that she is “like totally in love with her new sisters.” After receiving her bid Tuesday night, Maggie fell into a state of hysterical joy and, along with a throng of strangers whose names she would pretend to know, began shrieking over the fact that she was now a sister of LOL. Accompanied by the rest of her new LOL sisters, Maggie marched to LOL’s chapter house to celebrate.

Social Media Savvy Students Look for Job Availabilities

EVANSTON — With annual winter job and internship fairs approaching, many Northwestern students are crossing their fingers in hopes that their “social media skills” will be as highly sought-after as that one article they read on Forbes a month ago reported was a possibility. “I’m a social media expert,” said Weinberg junior Justin Thomas. “I am proficient in Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr, and now SnapChat.” According to a recent career services survey, over the past year many formerly undecided undergrads

Area Man Telling You How You’re a Propaganda-Spewing Sheep

FACEBOOK –- Following your decision to watch a Presidential debate and post a Facebook status in support of your preferred candidate, area man William Burton, whom sources indicate you dimly remember from your days in summer camp, has already left three lengthy comments on your original post detailing exactly how and why you are a propaganda-spewing shill for an illegitimate political movement. Burton began his tirade by telling you how “disappointed” he was to see you supporting a rival politician

Creepy Friend Request Guy Actually Requesting Kidney, Nbd

SILICON VALLEY, CA — In a press conference last Monday, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced several new updates to the timeline template, the most noteworthy being a new feature which indicates whether or not the user is an organ donor. “Eighteen people around the world die each day waiting for a heart, liver, or kidney transplant,” said Zuckerberg in a press conference, “and by adding this new feature, I hope to change that. Kind of like Bono and…AIDS, right? Bono

Facebook Already Planning to Coat Everything in Shitty Sepia Filters

PALO ALTO, CA – Following a billion-dollar acquisition of popular photo-sharing app Instagram, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has announced a complete overhaul of Facebook’s user interface featuring Instagram’s characteristic “vintage” filters. The new interface will be launched without any warning to users within the next week. “This may be the biggest re-design we’ve ever done,” Zuckerberg declared from Facebook’s Palo Alto headquarters. “Expect some major Instagram integration in the coming days. Like pictures of lakes at sunset? There’s gonna be

Evanston Community Bemoans the End of Bemoaning TKOE

EVANSTON – The slew of Facebook posts, video homages, and other means of gratuitous whimpers regarding the recent revoking of the liquor license of beloved local bar ‘The Keg of Evanston’ has slowly wound down, much to to the dismay of patrons of the bar. Collectively, the complaints about Mayor Tisdahl’s decision to revoke The Keg’s liquor license, which have lasted nearly 3 months, have become an event in and of themselves that has overshadowed the actual closing of the

Teen Posts Angsty Song Lyrics in Facebook Status, Public Hails Creative Genius

CHICAGO- The citizenry of Chicago was struck with awe today as they read the lyrics to Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” that 16 year old Roland Buchanan had posted on Facebook early this morning. At 8:15 AM, students at Evanston Township High School saw Buchanan typing on his cell phone during a math lesson. “That kid is such a badass,” reported Steven, a classmate of Buchanan’s. “Nobody uses their phones during a lesson. It’s totally against the rules.” According to

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