Similarly to how the Heavenly Sovereign Schill was only the 18th pick to run Northwestern, Mung Chiang was seemingly not the boardās first pick this time either. In fact, another famous Chiang was the preferred option. Who was that Chiang? None other than Kai-Shek.
What a quarter this has been. From late nights ripping my hair out behind a bookshelf in Core, to late nights ripping my hair out in the corner of the quiet section in Mudd, I truly feel like Iāve reached the limit of what Iām going to accomplish at Northwestern. This has all brought me to one conclusion: I could die and nothing on this campus would change. If I got rolled over by a steam roller, Iād just be
Now that your roommate has finally returned home from his Halloweekend bender at U of I, itās time to get ready for the holidays. Reports say that Northwesternās administration is well-aware of the impending season and is āitching to finally get some good press for the first time since we filled in that lake.ā Exclusive reports from within the offices of the Michael Schill, famed cheese lover and pet sniffer, indicate that the institution would like to expand the festivities
āIf the geese arenāt fat, theyāre useless.”
Schill rejoins a modern faculty comprised primarily of AI lecturers, sentient Lakefill geese and tenure-track professors kept alive on a combination of virgin blood and spite.
In a press conference, President Michael Schill expressed surprise at the criticism.
āWe begged him to leave. We pounded on the doors and shouted. But he just kept smiling. He constantly told us to quiet down because āthis episode has a musical number.ā