Studies Indicate Millions of Americans Cannot Locate Vulva on a Globe
Americans woke up with shock to the news that US forces captured Nicolás Maduro, the President of the South American country of Vulva.
Tag Archives: Trump
US Agrees to Sell Saudi Arabia Advanced Cruise Missiles with Warheads Small Enough That They Only Kill Specific Yemeni Children Rather Than the Entire School Bus
The missile allows for extremely precise targeting, which is crucial where the mission calls only for one or two children on board a school bus to be killed.
Trump to start nuclear testing on animals “Like How Sephora does it”
President Donald Trump, calm and measured as always, announced plans to resume nuclear testing last Thursday while at a trade meeting in South Korea. Trump claimed the measure was in response to increased Russian aggression from recent (non-nuclear) missile tests and (actually nuclear) comments from Russian president Putin comparing Trump to an earwax-covered q-tip. Independent agencies have raised alarms over safety and diplomatic concerns from potential testing, but the public and the professionals are both ignoring the most dangerous part
Trump Announces the Release of the EpiPen Files after RFK Jr. Announces that Food Allergies Cause Autism
Yesterday, the EpiPen files were released, concluding an RFK Jr.-ordered investigation that determined food allergies to be the root cause of autism.
Northwestern says it may not necessarily bow down to Trump’s demands but it may dabble in a little curtsy
This week, while Harvard put out a statement saying that it would not acquiesce to Trump’s demands, Northwestern took a more Victorian approach.
Trump Bans Nintendo Switch 2 From US Stores Under the Guise that Nintendo “is China”
“Rainbow Road? Mario, an undeniably Mexican name? Women driving? It’s ridiculous they expect our kids to play this indoctrinating, woke nonsense.”
Trump Repeals Two-Gender Executive Order After Mistaking “DogMan” For The New Third Gender: “Now That Sounds Cool.”
And while Trump vows to devote his time in office to taking away the rights of the LGBTQ+ community, Trump says he fervently supports the D (as in Dog) community.
Inspired by Oklahoma Bible Mandate, Trump’s Department of Education to Require DVD Copy of “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel” in Every US Classroom
“Leftists have taken over our education system and are teaching our children to hate America!” a Trump administration spokesperson proclaimed to the Flipside in a recent interview. “President Trump’s top priority in education is to bring patriotism, western morality, and the word of the Lord back into the American classroom, and we’ve decided the best way to do that is with the celebrated 2009 film Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel.” The specific movie was chosen because it is “Perhaps
Trump Appoints Young Sheldon as Head of Homeland Security
Since November 5th, the president-elect has made several controversial picks for top positions, including Elon Musk heading the so-called “Department of Government Efficiency” (DOGE). However, even many in Trump’s inner circle have objected to his latest and boldest choice: a literal fourteen-year-old child as Secretary of Homeland Security. Sheldon Lee Cooper, of Medford, Texas, turned down a Ph.D. in physics at Caltech to join the incoming administration, saying that “the decision was a no-brainer after Meemaw took me to visit
Trump Creates New “BOOM Department” For Bombing His Enemies, Appoints AJ & Big Justice As Secretaries
While some may have missed the announcement in between Trump’s creation of an “Efficiency Commission” and appointment of a sex criminal to lead the government’s law enforcement agency, the president-elect notably created a “BOOM Department” for bombing his enemies and named AJ & Big Justice as its foremen. Trump originally met AJ & Big Justice while he was working the McDonald’s drive thru. The father-son pair ordered everything on the menu for one of their viral videos and proceeded to