Trump Star Smashed Like Trump Smashes Pussy: Without Consent
More and more Americans are becoming convinced that these were less consensual acts on Mr. Trump’s part than they were an unasked-for hammering.
Tag Archives: Trump
Breaking: NAFTA
As repeatedly cited by Donald Trump during tonight’s debate, NAFTA exists. Soon, it might not.
Polynesian-Americans Disappointed that Trump Hasn’t Slandered Them Yet
“It just seems like it’s our turn. Where’s our Alicia Machado moment?”
Trump Bumps “Debates” Up List of Democratic Institutions to Destroy
Blaming an unfair system rigged by the nation’s 240-year tradition of majoritarian democracy, Mr. Trump has decided to move “debates” from their current place beneath “taxes.”
Doñald Trump Adds ñ to Name in Appeal to Latinos
His campaign almost immediately began running attack ads showing Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton coughing onto children with somber mariachi music playing in the background.
Abroad Student Decides Uganda Isn’t So Bad
Sources report that this revelation occurred when he saw Donald Trump insult veterans, Muslims, Republicans, and fucking babies in just the past week.
College Republicans Change Affiliation to College Independents
“We feel that being the College Republicans only worked to exclude other groups who hated Trump as much as we did,” said exec member and leading advocate for the name change Joe Przybyszewski (WCAS ’17).
Trump Drops Out Just to Fuck with Us
Surrounded by a haunted-looking Chris Christie, an ebullient Hillary Clinton, and several Miss Universe contestants, Trump began his speech by saying “Well, that was easy.”
Santorum Pulls Out
“This isn’t the first time in my life that I have pulled out,” he said. “In fact, I believe that I have become an expert at judging when to pull out.”
Iowa Caucus to be Replaced with Russian Roulette
“We’ve decided that in order to boost election coverage and please all sides of our parties, we decided that we would choose our candidates through a game of chance.”