Students reacted to the news with varied degrees of disappointment and downright agony, their heathen souls already plagued by the forces of Satan prior to their destruction and eternal damnation.
EVANSTON – Anticipation turned to confused embarrassment when the sisters of the Delta Delta Delta Delta sorority realized that the âroyalsâ they had invited to their “Royal Wedding-Watch Party OMG!!!!!” event were, in fact, the Kansas City Royals, the major league baseball team. âI was like, sooo excited when I heard we were watching the royal wedding at the house,â said Quad Delt sister Becca Silverstein, âcuz my boyfriend is from Kansas City and heâs always talking about the royals
Who better to formulate characters, plot and emotional tension than beloved renaissance filmmaker Michael Bay?
ATLANTIC CITY â In what is surely a game for the ages, the wheelbarrow is about to win a game of monopoly. It has $1300 in cash and owns the red monopoly, consisting of Kentucky Avenue, Indiana Avenue, and Illinois Avenue. âI just knew my business was turning around when I landed on Indiana Avenue,â the wheelbarrow commented. âSeriously, there are now three stunningly beautiful houses here! Who wouldnât want to stay in one of them and pay me $700
âYeah, I donât screw with Bob,â explained B.o.B, âthat dude is the hardest motherfuckinâ computer systems analyst I know.”
by xtrasooperdood GUYS! You guys! You wonât believe it! Câmon! Okay, you guys are NOT. Fuckinâ. Gonna. Believe it. Last night my parents made me watch a movie with them; it was some fuckinâ black and white movie. Gay shit, amirite? Yeah, I know! But listen, this movie had more tits than you could shake your dick at – NO, DAN, IâM NOT FUCKING LYING! No, I donât know what it was about – I was on AIM the whole
EVANSTON – The whole social order of Northshore Middle School changed dramatically the day Susie Donalds got her braces. She had apparently been keeping her impending defacement a secret, so it came as quite a shock to her former âbffeaeaeâ (translated from 7th grade speak, this means âbest friends forever and ever and everâ), members of the “Fab 5” clique Tiffany, Brittany, Barbie and Kelly. âWe just, like, didnât know what to do,â clique leader Tiffany told us. âIt was
“The only logical conclusion is that this woman is a member of a domestically based terrorist cell”
Winter’s Bone: 2/4 star-shaped pasties Winter’s Bone tells the story of a teenage girl trying to find her daddy to save her house. Yeah, thats right, who’s your daddy, girl. Great start. Then some shit happens and a cop comes. This is where you expect it to start getting heavy, right? Nope! Instead of ripping off his uniform and taking her “downtown,” he just warns her that her dad needs to show up to court. Ok, so when’s the winter bone going
EVANSTON, IL– With Valentineâs Day just around the corner, Romeo Smith knew he had to do something special for his new girlfriend, Rosalin Jones. âYou know, itâs the beginning,â he very aptly told Flipside, âshe hasnât even slept with me yet, so I know I canât slack yet. Sheâs pretty classy, so I knew I had to find something, you know, romantic to do.â He considered a big box of chocolates, but decided against it because Romeo wanted Rosalin to