Bezosâs Soon-to-be Ex-Wife Gets Divorce Papers with Free 2-Day Prime Shipping
âThis is childish even for him,â said MacKenzie, âheâs turned into the Monopoly Man except with stupid aviators and weirdly muscular arms.â
Category Archives: Featured
Morty Tired of Students Only Wanting Him for His Financial Aid
âI donât understand how 8,000 undergrads can look at me and only see my ten-billion dollar endowment and multi-million annual salary. Iâm, like, a really good listener!â
First Thanksgiving Without Grandma Goes Off Surprisingly Well
âMom made the cranberry pie almost as well as Grandma used to, so by next year it wonât even be noticeable.â
Students Watch Anxiously as Squirrel Attempts to Cross Sheridan on a Busy Day
“I was jumping up and down, screaming for him to go back to his burrow.”
Op-ed: How Dare She Date Someone More Kind, Intelligent, and Attractive Than Me?
Really Samantha? You chose to stoop that high? Have some decency⊠but not enough decency to do that.
The Daily Northwestern Stops Writing Real News in Honor of George H.W. Bushâs Death
âWe were worried that the extremely high-quality journalism that we usually produce would overshadow the mourning of the nation and the Bush family,â said a representative from the Daily.
Op-Ed: Cheetos in milk are the best winter vegetable. Let me convince you.
Theyâre orange, powdery and drenched in milk. Seemingly unassuming, they manage to divide the masses like none other. Itâs rare that such a small thing can cause such polarization, but they do so with aplomb. Yes, I am talking about cheetos in milk. And yes, I think theyâre the best winter vegetable out there (and I know many of you will disagree). Cheetos in milk get a lot of flak, and I have to admit that I was also once
Students Bond Over Shared SSRI Dosage
âI thought I was the only one on campus taking 150mg of Zoloft every morning,â said Michaels of her dosage.
God Annoyed With Amount Of Prayers For Release Of âAvengers 4â Trailer
In an unexpected press release, God stated that he has become âsick and tiredâ of the âmillions of prayers asking to release the trailer for the new âAvengersâ movie.â Earlier this week, a series of chiseled, stone tablets from Yahweh himself were found on the altar at the Sistine Chapel. Once they were translated from Latin, they revealed the Almightyâs distaste for his new workload. âEvery single day, I sit and I listen to prayers asking the same things: âCan
Entrepreneurial Genius Logs into Handshake During Middle of Lecture
Smuthers initially agreed to comment on the story, but cancelled her interview with reporters upon hearing that The Flipside is not a marketing company.