Area Nudist Dresses Up for Halloween
āUsually I just put a napkin on my pecker to make it look like a ghost, but this year the community is expecting something more,ā Scoggs explained to the press.
Category Archives: Featured
Morty Still Waiting for Class of 2021 to Venmo Him for Hamilton Tickets
After waiting a year for the Class of 2021 to get back to him, Morty Schapiro publicly announced this week that he is still waiting on each and every one of them to Venmo him for the Hamilton tickets from last year. āListen, I thought I was very clear in how this deal works,ā stated a very disgruntled Morty, āI get the tickets, and you guys just Venmo me back the full $200 for your own. Our school is in
Morty Embroiled in Scandal After Cheating During Game of Guess Who
A rule breach in a game of Guess Who could result in Moriarty Schapiro going on a long time out, or even getting grounded for a few days.
Mysterious āCreature of the Lakefillā Revealed to be Morty Night-Swimming
āI didnāt want to frighten anyone. I just like playing around with the ducks.”
Dining Hall Now Offers a Slap Across Your Fucking Face With Raw Chicken Breast
The move comes after the new dining service Compass merged with PĆ¼nchindafƤce™, a transnational Swedish corporation that fuses gastronomic arts and sadomasochism.
English Major Contemplates Symbolism of Soaked Frat Basement Walls
āIf these walls could talk, I bet theyād be telling us that itās okay to cry sometimes.”
Atwood Receives Lukewarm Response at Keynote From Campus Dudes; āSheād Be Pretty If She Smiled Moreā
āDonāt get me wrong, she sounds like a great writer and all, but she just seemed so serious. Like, lighten up a little, sweetheart!ā
Razor Scooter Owner Rides After Dark to Avoid Being Recognized
On the outside, he seems just like everyone else. But on the inside he has a massive, two-wheel secret.
Morty Hoping Heāll Get More than Natty Light While Trick or Treating at Frat Houses
āI am hoping by the end of this I will have enough candy to last until Christmas. Maybe theyāll even throw a few Keystones in there too.”
US News Editor to Morty: āI Made You Top 10, Now Let My Family Goā
āPlease, I have delivered on my part. Let me hold my son, Zachariah āZac-Attackā Zuckerman, again. Let me see my wife, Zora Zelda Zuckerman. I even made you #15 in Best Value Schools, right above the University of Chicago!ā