Northwestern Student Already Has Pretty Good Idea When to Schedule Fall Mental Breakdown
“It’ll fit perfectly in between these two weeks of straight midterms and the next Friday, when I have 6 papers due.”
Category Archives: Featured
Students Don’t Know if They Should Be More Stressed About Midterm Exams or Elections
“Young people must take time to research candidates in order to make informed decisions at the polls. But I also have a chem midterm on Wednesday and know nothing.”
Willie the Wildcat Has Pretty Good Idea Which Freshman to Invite to Furry Rave
Willie the Wildcat announced on his finsta that he has found a freshman to accompany him to his annual Furry Rave.
Freshman Theater Major Scoped Out Only Love Interest Who Can Stand Him
“If she’ll stick around for Frozen, she’ll stick around for anything. She’s a keeper.”
CAPS Hands Out ‘A+’ Stickers to Dejected High School Valedictorians
“We at CAPS strive to affirm the appallingly fragile, extrinsically-fixed self-worth of our former best and brightest.”
Idiot Freshman Can’t Find Building
“I guess it’s early and I’m still finding my way around,” White said, as if that were actually a thing.
Prayers Go Out to Sorority Sister after Dad Doesn’t Fill her Bank Account in Time for Bar Crawl
A candlelight vigil is scheduled for this Wednesday to commemorate the tragedy.
“‘Perjury’ Is the Name of a Drinking Game,” Explains Kavanaugh
In an interview with ABC News today, Justice Brett Kavanaugh explained that the “Perjury” mentioned in his high school yearbook is a drinking game and not a felony.
World Cup Postponed After Ball Rolls Into Old Man Jenkins’ Yard
“No way I’m going over there,” Silva told reporters. “Old Man Jenkins is scary. He kills boys that sneak into his yard and cooks them into a stew.”
Area Senior Swears this Dillo is the Dillo He Finally Gets Laid
Cornelius will have an uphill battle ahead of him—that is, in addition to losing his virginity, he also has to talk to a female for the first time.