Forgotten North Face Coming to Terms with New Home in Tech Express
The jacket has now been there for over four hours, abandoned by former owner Jessica Myers, McCormick ’20, between her morning and afternoon classes.
Category Archives: Featured
Student Group Receives Eerie Messages From Ghost of Former President
Students have generally described the hauntings as friendly, though contact with the unknown leaves them all with anxiety and dread.
Material Drowned Out by Coughing Classmates Definitely on Midterm
Sources indicate that coughed-over material does indeed have a direct correlation with said material’s relevance to the class and its prominence on the midterm.
Seismologists Detect Signs that Dormant Student Might Wake Up Soon
“We have sufficient reason to believe the long-dormant student will emerge from slumber imminently,” lead scientist Veronica Tyson said at a press conference today. “Also, his alarm has been going off for the past 20 minutes.”
Morty Inconsolable After Visiting Haunted House
After half an hour spent making sure the spiders around the bar weren’t real, Morty allegedly worked up the courage to venture deeper into the house.
“We’re Out of Helium,” Squeaks CVS Employee
“It’s the darnedest thing!” squeaked manager Mark Shales.
JFK Files Reveal Surprisingly Solid Mixtape
these beats are, in fact, sick, but unfortunately never saw the light of day because “they would have blown the American public’s mind, figuratively, of course”.
Ask Flippy: How Do I Get My Roommate to Stop Throwing Lube at the Back of My Head?
Another option is to start wearing a CRU branded “Abstinence is the One True Way” chastity belt.
Area Student Dresses as “Intimacy” for Halloween
Though the theme of the party was to wear the scariest costume, Bowen’s outfit was not received well.
CAPS to Hand Out SSRIs to Trick-or-Treaters
“As a grown man living in America in 2017, I know that people just want the quickest possible solution to their mental health problems, and giving them drugs is easier than talking to them about their issues.”