Man Preps For Interview By Dousing Himself In 16 Different Colognes
Step 1? Education. Step 2? Cologne overdose. Step 3? Employment.
Category Archives: Featured
College Republicans Can’t Wait to Plan Next Year’s Offensive Guest Speaker
“As soon as we saw the angry Twitter posts and op-ed articles in The Daily Northwestern, we knew that our event was a major success.”
Area Sophomore Still Sits Criss Cross Apple Sauce
“I don’t understand what’s wrong with sitting criss cross apple sauce. It’s really comfortable.”
Bill O’Reilly to Release New Book in Wake of Allegations: Killing My Boner
Killing My Boner follows O’Reilly’s past bestsellers Killing Lincoln and Killing Kennedy, which O’Reilly stresses are “not, I repeat, not murder confessions.”
Morty Tops Forbes 400 List of People With Most Catcash
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos tweeted, “Who’s Morty, and what the hell is Catcash?”
Michael Bublé Beginning Defrosting Process for Christmas
Then, called by the scent of peppermint hot chocolate and spiked eggnog, he mysteriously emerges at some unknown time in early November to fulfill his Christmas responsibilities.
Pat Fitzgerald: Honestly, I Just Tell the Boys to Go Score Some Points, and Sometimes It Works
“I needed to find a way to make sure we won games,” Fitzgerald said, “and then it hit me, what would happen if we just got some points up on the board, and lo-and-behold, here we are today!”
Circle of Raccoons Around Rock Definitely Up to Something
“Something about how they’re rubbing their little hands together synchronously, after a new raccoon joins the circle every sixth minute, just really freaks me out,” said Steven Kasmer, WCAS ’18.
Ancestry.com Confirms the Rock is Rosetta Stone’s Less Famous Cousin
“This explains so much about The Rock’s psyche,” he said to Flipside reporters, “It knows it’s a total failure compared to its cousin, so it covers itself in paint to mask its own inferiority complex. Truly fascinating.”
Frats to Offer Drinkable Beer
“We think that by drinking Pilsner and Rauchbier, everyone will get to experience the exquisite taste of what fraternity life has to offer. It’s essentially an upgrade from piss to something actually delightful.”