And yes, perhaps youâre just keeping your options open because you âthink you can find someone better.â Well, I have a little something to say to you, JESSICA — just because itâs true doesnât make it hurt any less.
 âItâs the perfect plan, really,â said the IFC president. âThereâs nothing frat guys like more than cutthroat competition. I canât wait to see them tear each other apaaaart …with the goal of increasing female safety on campus of course.â
âThese people,â he gestured vaguely around the packed basement, âthey just donât appreciate a good graphic tee.â
âTyler told us that he was going to argue that men were actually wronged by society â like, just for the sake of discussion. Then he started really overusing the word âactually.â”
Studies show that this is the 7000thinstance in 2019 of a white man speaking on a topic with irrational confidence despite having little to no knowledge of said topic.
âI will be launching a weekly ceremony to eliminate people from the GroupMe,â wrote Piper in an official press release to the GroupMe. âYou can gain immunity from elimination by doing my laundry or locating a fork during lunchtime in Sargent.â
âWe also prioritize inclusivity. Thatâs why weâre going to offer alternative gluten-free linguine, too.â
“Pizza, on the other hand, is far too vulgar and plebeian a food to satisfy my intellectual desire. “
This report contradicts earlier statements by Hughes himself that he can âabsolutely get itâ on the dance floor
âGosh darnâ thought WCAS Junior Alberto Munez, as he realized he hadnât been paying attention to his psychology professors lecture for the past 10 minutes as he pondered his own lonely, miserable existence.