NU Replaces Tampons in Feminine Hygiene Dispensers With Raw Linguine Noodles
âWe also prioritize inclusivity. Thatâs why weâre going to offer alternative gluten-free linguine, too.â
Category Archives: Local
Wildcat Geogame Forces Free Pizza on Geography Nerds
“Pizza, on the other hand, is far too vulgar and plebeian a food to satisfy my intellectual desire. “
Area White Guy Dances Exclusively with His Shoulders
This report contradicts earlier statements by Hughes himself that he can âabsolutely get itâ on the dance floor
Student Misses Crucial Point in Lecture While Wondering if Anyone has Ever Truly Cared for Them
âGosh darnâ thought WCAS Junior Alberto Munez, as he realized he hadnât been paying attention to his psychology professors lecture for the past 10 minutes as he pondered his own lonely, miserable existence.
Broken Man Decides Heâs Named Seth Now
âFuck it, I guess my name is Seth now.â
Bobb residents given free posters of newly renovated Welsh-Ryan Arena to cover up patches of mold
âA glossy poster of the $110 million renovated arena makes my chronic cough entirely worth it,â said Bobb resident Jason McKeen.
Sorority Freshman Excited to Learn New Best Friendâs Last Name
âBefore I just knew her as âJessica-with-blonde-highlights-from-that-house-with-pink-curtains,â not to be confused with âJessica-with-blonde-highlights-from-the-house-kinda-near-Willard.â”
Local Dickhead Masturbates Over Colorful and Crowded Google Calendar
Norbucks was awash with shock and disgust this week as local dickhead, Derek Havey, touched himself to the image of his overly-colorful and very crowded Google Calendar.
Area Student Beginning Winter Hobby of Watching Rich Students Call Ubers Everywhere
“I give them bonus points if I can see both where the Uber picks them up and drops them off from one spot.â
Local Student Tries to Buy Juul, Accidentally Summons Zuul
âLook, how can you expect me to know the difference between a Juul and a Zuul? Iâm a legacy, I never learned to spell.â