Idiot Freshman Can’t Find Building
âI guess itâs early and Iâm still finding my way around,â White said, as if that were actually a thing.
Category Archives: Local
Freshman Sends When2meet to Parents for Parents Weekend
“Iâm in college now and have so much more responsibility. Itâs just more efficient this way.”
Prayers Go Out to Sorority Sister after Dad Doesn’t Fill her Bank Account in Time for Bar Crawl
A candlelight vigil is scheduled for this Wednesday to commemorate the tragedy.
NU Freshman Complains of âHurricane of Homework,â Retracts Statement
âI actually do know some people in Florida, so I get why that sounds offensive.â
Rest of Clubs Fair Horrified by Mathletesâ âSlave Leiaâ Recruiting Tactic
The presence of Slave Leia led to more interest in their organization than ever before, with over 400 signups to their listserv and 75 phone numbers given directly to “Leia.”
Morty Spills His Commencement Chili All Over Himself Before Big Speech
âI knew I should have put on my Willie the Wildcat apron before dishing out such a hearty bowl of chili.â
âMeetMeAtNorrisâ Hashtag Most Commonly Used Before Drug Transactions
Students interviewed overwhelmingly agreed that that using the hash tag âMeetMeAtNorrisâ allows them to maximize their illegal activity during ten minute passing periods.
Vines Whale at Dillo Actually Just ETHS Student Looking to Cop Some Beer
The whale was reportedly seen going up to students, taking pictures with them, then asking, âyou got some booze I can bum off you,â in the deepest voice he could muster.
âLol, More Like Dildo Day, Am I Rightâ says Local Loser in Attempt to Pick up Chicks
Local sources have reported that area freshman Barry Danovar reportedly said âLol, more like Dildo Day, am I rightâ at a local party in an attempt to pick up chicks last night.
Meghan Markle to Attend Dillo to Shirk Royal Family Responsibilities
âThe last time I was this stressed was when I got a terrible registration time for winter quarter of freshman year and found out the only open classes I could take were Orgo, EA, and EECS 211.â