Freshman Theater Major Scoped Out Only Love Interest Who Can Stand Him
āIf sheāll stick around for Frozen, sheāll stick around for anything. Sheās a keeper.ā
Category Archives: Local
CAPS Hands Out āA+ā Stickers to Dejected High School Valedictorians
“We at CAPS strive to affirm the appallingly fragile, extrinsically-fixed self-worth of our former best and brightest.”
Fraternity Brother Already Has Pretty Good Idea Who Wonāt Come Forward at Least 35 Years From Now
“Sometimes, itās important for philanthropists that people keep quiet about their good deeds,” Neill told reporters after completing a keg stand.
Idiot Freshman Can’t Find Building
āI guess itās early and Iām still finding my way around,ā White said, as if that were actually a thing.
Freshman Sends When2meet to Parents for Parents Weekend
“Iām in college now and have so much more responsibility. Itās just more efficient this way.”
Prayers Go Out to Sorority Sister after Dad Doesn’t Fill her Bank Account in Time for Bar Crawl
A candlelight vigil is scheduled for this Wednesday to commemorate the tragedy.
NU Freshman Complains of āHurricane of Homework,ā Retracts Statement
āI actually do know some people in Florida, so I get why that sounds offensive.ā
Rest of Clubs Fair Horrified by Mathletesā āSlave Leiaā Recruiting Tactic
The presence of Slave Leia led to more interest in their organization than ever before, with over 400 signups to their listserv and 75 phone numbers given directly to “Leia.”
Morty Spills His Commencement Chili All Over Himself Before Big Speech
āI knew I should have put on my Willie the Wildcat apron before dishing out such a hearty bowl of chili.ā
āMeetMeAtNorrisā Hashtag Most Commonly Used Before Drug Transactions
Students interviewed overwhelmingly agreed that that using the hash tag āMeetMeAtNorrisā allows them to maximize their illegal activity during ten minute passing periods.