Area Student Asks Advisor If He Can Drop All Four Classes
“I had to draw the line when he wanted to bail out of Math 220,” Kraps continued. “At that point, he was basically in SESP!”
Category Archives: Local
Starting Next Quarter, Students to Be Drafted Involuntarily into One Class Per Term
“Well instead of waking up at 6:30 am to frantically add classes to my cart before they get stolen out from under me, I’m taking Engineering Fluid Mechanics,” stated Comm studies major Gerry Shilvonotrov.
Commencement Speaker Replaced with Old Man Telling Each Graduate the Date of Their Death
The man will forego the typical commencement address to the graduating class in favor of walking silently amongst the rows of sitting students, placing a pale, scarred hand on the forehead of those he selects.
Bald Men Passing On Street Quietly Acknowledge Each Other
Multiple eyewitnesses observed the men exchange prolonged eye contact and a subtle nod as the sun glinted off their heads.
Fraternity Elbows Way to Intramural Basketball Championship
The player of the game was sixth-year senior Blake Peters, who finished with 22 points, 8 rebounds, 14 elbows, and 6 shoves.
Health Services Reminds Sick Students to Rest Up, Drink Water, and Cough in Mudd Library
Northwestern University Health Services sent out an email last Monday reminding sick students to rest up, drink lots of water, and cough extra loudly in Mudd Library.
Morty Plans Econ Professor Parade Down Sheridan Road
Morty will begin by sequestering all of NUPD (on and off duty) to blockade Sheridan from any traffic for one week before and after the parade
Despite Best Efforts of BLAST, White People Still Can’t Dance
“We tried, we really did,” said BLAST president Anita Quizphe, WCAS ‘18.
Raccoons Break into Tasty Garbage with Their Little Hands
“They were so efficient, the little rascals! They picked everything up, just like a person! But with the tiniest hands…!”
Northwestern Ranked #5 for College Dining in Evanston
President Morton Schapiro, recently ranked “best current president of Northwestern,” told Flipside reporters after the dining hall report came out that he was happy to just be in the top ten for once.