Material Drowned Out by Coughing Classmates Definitely on Midterm
Sources indicate that coughed-over material does indeed have a direct correlation with said material’s relevance to the class and its prominence on the midterm.
Category Archives: Local
Seismologists Detect Signs that Dormant Student Might Wake Up Soon
“We have sufficient reason to believe the long-dormant student will emerge from slumber imminently,” lead scientist Veronica Tyson said at a press conference today. “Also, his alarm has been going off for the past 20 minutes.”
Morty Inconsolable After Visiting Haunted House
After half an hour spent making sure the spiders around the bar weren’t real, Morty allegedly worked up the courage to venture deeper into the house.
“We’re Out of Helium,” Squeaks CVS Employee
“It’s the darnedest thing!” squeaked manager Mark Shales.
Ask Flippy: How Do I Get My Roommate to Stop Throwing Lube at the Back of My Head?
Another option is to start wearing a CRU branded “Abstinence is the One True Way” chastity belt.
Area Student Dresses as “Intimacy” for Halloween
Though the theme of the party was to wear the scariest costume, Bowen’s outfit was not received well.
CAPS to Hand Out SSRIs to Trick-or-Treaters
“As a grown man living in America in 2017, I know that people just want the quickest possible solution to their mental health problems, and giving them drugs is easier than talking to them about their issues.”
Student Decides Laundry Can Wait Until She Has Another Paper to Write
The chores that supersede laundry, according to multiple sources close to Ostfell, include watching Netflix, applying for summer internships that haven’t yet begun accepting applications, and rearranging her bookshelves in reverse-chronological order.
Kinky Couple Role-Plays Being in Love
“Fucking has always been the foundation of our relationship, and no amount of love we have can ever change that.”
University Decides to Just Leave Sheridan Like This
With the new additions that have been added to Sheridan road such as its fences, gravel, and open ditches students now are forced to take the risk of walking across Sheridan Road to get to class.