SAE Suspended, But Not for That
As a result of the violation of disciplinary probation, and for no other reason whatsoever, the members of SAE currently living in the on-campus house must move out by May 6.
Category Archives: Local
Area Entrepreneur Sells Pounds of Oregano On 4/20
“I can’t go into specific details about my business operations due to the competitiveness of the market. However, I will say that the demand by clueless freshman for small green-colored herbs was significantly higher yesterday than any other day of the year.”
Morty Hotboxes Safe Space
Sources close to Morty revealed how glad he is to have places like this on campus where he can just go chill out, smoke, and not have to worry about being attacked for who he is.
Busy Student has to Reschedule 4/20 for 4/25 at Earliest
“I have three midterms coming up, and I told my friend I’d get dinner with him soon. I just can’t do 4/20 until early next week at best,” Palmer said as he crammed for a reading quiz.
Door Holder Confused He Didn’t Get Laid
“You know, it’s guys like him that remind you that chivalry isn’t dead. It’s just creepy and horny.”
Prospie Disappears in Tech, Building Will Not Erupt This Year
As of yet there is no plausible explanation for why the high school student has gone missing.
Arthur Butz Plays Two Truths, One Historical Lie with AEPi
[Butz] proceeded to play a game of Two Truths, One Lie that turned into a dogmatic rebuttal to all common knowledge about the Holocaust, to the increasing discomfort of the Fraternity members.
“I Can’t Turn It Off!” Screams Morty, Hurtling Past Onlookers in a Golf Cart
“Once he gets an idea in his head you better make sure you hide the high-energy combustibles or he’ll get in there, believe you me.”
Gramatik Are Perform at Dillo
Mayfest tell reporter Flipside that Slovenian EDM boy Gramatik, also known Denis Jašarević, are perform at Dillo Day 2017 in Lakefill.
Op Ed: I Bought a Rice Cooker on “Free and For Sale”
When “Mary” eventually responded, I almost threw my computer out the window for the second time.