Tenured Professor Actually Just Dad who Got Separated from Tour Group
“Not knowing what else to do, I wandered into Lunt Hall, found an empty office, and just set up shop. The rest took care of itself.”
Category Archives: Local
NUPD Recorded Beating Protesters with Sacks of Pepsi
“When I saw those protesters being beaten up by the NUPD with brown sacks filled with cans of Pepsi, all I could do was wonder how the delicious and refreshing taste of Pepsi could be used for such evil.”
Frats Changing “Bigs” to “Daddies” in Uncomfortable Move
Both Greek and non-Greek students have disclosed to Flipside feeling squeamish about the rebranding effort, calling it “confusing, both sexually and otherwise.”
UChicago Lifts 127-Year-Old Social Ban
A week after Northwestern’s Interfraternity Council lifted its 9-week-old social ban on Greek-sponsored parties, University of Chicago administrators announced today that they too would be ending their university’s social ban, which has been in place for the entirety of the school’s 127-year existence. “When we put the social ban in place, we were very concerned about the prevalence of sexual assault, along with race-mixing and Spanish imperialism.” University of Chicago President Robert J. Zimmer said. “Since then, I think we’ve
Sorority Girl Already Planning Vomit Spot for this Weekend’s Blackout
Her itinerary includes nine drinks, three frats, two random boys, and one trip to Lisa’s to end the night.
Area Woman Forgets Trump Is President, Has 6 Solid Minutes of Peace
“Most mornings, I wake up, check my phone and see a CNN or BBC notification that Trump has gutted the EPA or said something was racist, but this morning was weirdly peaceful.”
God Sics Plague of Prospies on Norris
The prospies seem to act as if they were a swarm of locusts, reducing access to campus’s vital sustenance such as Starbucks iced coffee and Subway sandwiches.
Freshman Plans to Ask RA to Formal
She keeps writing little notes with my name and sticking them on my door.”
Girlfriend “Just Wants to Talk,” Sharpens Medieval Weaponry
“I was really confused at first, but when she started swinging the axe at me, I knew something was up.”
Every Time Samantha Bee Says Her Name, It Gets Faster
Critics of the night’s events argue that Bee went for the classic “meme over theme” approach, in which she used repeated meme usage over any actual writing, effort or skill.