Evanston Food Bank to Host Bienen Graduate Nights
“This gives us the opportunity to reach out even more to a population that is clearly faced with extreme socioeconomic disadvantages.”
Category Archives: Local
Sheridan Construction Worker Laying the Pipe So Hard
He can be seen sticking his rod into Sheridan just north of the Kellogg building.
Jeb Bush Shoots Someone, Does Not Get Away With It
After his atrocious loss in Monday’s Iowa Caucus, Jeb Bush reportedly decided to take a move out of Donald Trump’s playbook and shoot somebody. Bush, however, did not get way with it.
Morty Invites Mayor Tisdahl to His “Safe Space”
A recent email chain recovered by Flipside reporters exposes an exchange between Northwestern President Morton Schapiro and Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl.
Donald Trump Molests Child; Jumps Twelve Points In Polls
Trump, when reached for comment, talked about his “huge schlong”. “A real great schlong I have on me. People say that it is the nicest schlong in the world.
Desperate Theater Major Prepares Big Number for Tech Expo
“Steppenwolf, Lookingglass, and a bunch of other places did not really get on the same wave with me during my audition pieces, so I decided to try other avenues.”
Yik Yak Confirms Area Frat is, in Fact, Gay
The report that Beta Beta Beta is gay has caused varied responses across the Northwestern community.
Area Student Triggered
“One of my sensory organs perceived a word, phrase, attitude, or institution that I must have interpreted as oppressive or otherwise offensive, and thus I became triggered,” Sheckard said.
Sorority: We’re Not All White
“We look at all of the candidates equally and without regard to race.”
Iowa Caucus to be Replaced with Russian Roulette
“We’ve decided that in order to boost election coverage and please all sides of our parties, we decided that we would choose our candidates through a game of chance.”