Iowa Caucus to be Replaced with Russian Roulette
“We’ve decided that in order to boost election coverage and please all sides of our parties, we decided that we would choose our candidates through a game of chance.”
Category Archives: Local
Fraternity Pledge Not Drowning In Pussy Yet, Surprised
Sanders is allegedly bewildered by this turn of events.
Elizabeth Tisdahl and Donald Trump: A Comparison
This is a comparison of the viewpoints of Trump and Tisdahl on important national and regional issues.
Morty Drops Mixtape at 3 a.m.
Tuition Hike has already been met with intense scrutiny by some of the most renowned critics in the music industry.
BREAKING: Tech Doors
Despite universal acclaim from the two people who supported the measure, the news left most engineering students unhinged.
Engineer Goes to South Campus to Find Himself
Local Biomedical Engineering Major, Anthony Martin, MEAS ’19, recently visited South campus for the first time in order to find himself.
NU Men’s and Women’s Sports Teams Paid Equally
Northwestern athletics has always been committed to treating all of our student-athletes equally, and I think our equal wage policy reflects that
Hoverboards, Wheelchairs Banned from Dorms
The decision was made after administrators concluded that any wheeled vehicle would be hazardous to students.
Op Ed: David Bowie Probably Won’t Headline Dillo Day
If they even got David Bowie, they would probably find some way to fuck it up. David Bowie’s time is precious and he would not waste any of it working with amateurs.
Math Department Finds Numbers Dwindling
Earlier today, the Northwestern mathematics department revealed that, due to budget shortfalls, funding for both mathematics research and mathematicians themselves would be cut.