Roommate Actually Does Care If You Hit the Lights
“Every night, he asks so innocently if he can hit the lights, and every night, I casually say it’s okay. But deep down, I actually do care.”
Category Archives: Articles
STUDY: 100% of Statisticians are Awesome
“The results of this study were exactly what we expected.”
Julia Louis-Dreyfus Walks on to Dolphin Show Cast
Although she gained extensive acting experience while living there, she plays it down, saying that most of it was really just “some show about nothing.”
Area Freshman Wondering Why College Is So Easy
The Orange County, CA native informed the rest of her hall-mates that after nine AP classes, SAT tutoring and solving the state’s water crisis she’s slightly disappointed Northwestern hasn’t proved to be more of a challenge.
Area Freshman Weighs Nutritional Benefits of Cheez-Its vs. Cheese Nips
The freshman Economics major, who is looking for a low-sodium but flavor-filled cracker, hopes to start the school year off right with the ideal cheesy snack.
Sophomore Already Emptied Block Meal Plan
Chen had indeed been spotted frequently in C-stores, as well as buying several swipes worth of food at Frontera on more than one occasion.
Local Bro Self-Places Out of Sex 101
“Nah, I don’t need Sex 101. I’m no beginner to pleasuring women. I bet I could teach that professor a thing or two.”
Off-Campus Student Misses Community of Shared Bathrooms
“There’s nothing like the bonding time you get when you’re third in line for your floor’s only shower”
BREAKING: Caitlyn Jenner Just Sneezed
Following her famous photoshoot for Vanity Fair, media sources have confirmed that Caitlyn Jenner has indeed just sneezed.
Study: Your Ancestors Are Disappointed in You
Using ground penetrating radar, sensitive seismographic instruments, and a Ouija board, archivist Louis Diggs of the University of Your Hometown has confirmed that your ancestors are indeed rolling in their graves.