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Michigan Passes Right to Twerk Bill

January 8, 2013 Alex Finkelstein Leave a comment

LANSING, MI — Michigan recently passed controversial changes to the state’s Twerker’s Rights Laws and has the rap video ho community up in arms. Right to Twerk is an initiative that allows rap video hos to be selected off the street without having to pass through a standard audition process. According to rap video ho extraordinaire Ivana Humpalot, famous for having the credit card swiped through her ass in Nelly’s “Tip Drill” video, “Auditions involve sleeping with a member of

Read more Entertainment, No. 96, Politics

Top 10 Rejected Handles for the Pope’s Twitter Account

January 7, 2013 Alex Finkelstein Leave a comment

VATICAN CITY — Pope Benedict XVI recently entered the Twitterverse with the twitter name @pontifex. The question remains: how did he choose this handle? The Flipside has received, from an anonymous papal butler, an exclusive list of the final candidates that didn’t quite make the cut. Here are 10 handles that the Pope unfortunately didn’t pick. Maybe they were already taken – the list did not specify, and we were too lazy to look it up ourselves. 1. @infallableoopsimeantinfallible 2.

Wile E. Coyote’s Guide to Navigating Cliffs

January 2, 2013 Brian Lee Leave a comment

By Wile E. Coyote As the premiere expert on falling off cliffs, I’d like to offer Americans some advice in these confusing times. I speak from the countless times I’ve fallen off a cliff in pursuit of happiness, which to me comes in the form of a tough game bird that would run around even when it is perfectly capable of flight. If your idea of happiness involves a balanced budget that reduces government deficit, written by congressmen who say

Area Jews Celebrating Christmas Shocked Holiday is about Jesus

December 21, 2012 Dean Meisel Leave a comment

Many Jews are utterly confused on how to celebrate the holiday. Instead of the traditional honey-glazed ham dinner and nice family time around a warm fire, Jewish families have been sighted going out for Chinese food and airing their grievances.

[NU Spork] Restaurant Review: Foster-Walker Complex’s East Dining Hall

December 9, 2012 Brian Earl Leave a comment

By Tommy Schapiro Foster-Walker Complex–East Side: ★ ★ ★ ★ Hi guys! My name is Tommy and I’m so excited to be your Special Middle School Dining Hall Reviewer. A special thanks to The Flipside for doing my homework for me and for the free lunch. I told my Uncle Morty that you guys definitely deserve more money. Anyways, I guess I should start talking about the restaraunt now? Wow, that’s a hard word to spell. Restorant? Restaurant? Got it.

Read more No. 95, Opinion

[NU Spork] The Stoner Soufflé: A Delicious Munchies Medley

December 8, 2012 Dean Meisel Leave a comment

This medley of common foods found in dorm rooms is the perfect remedy to your munchies if you’re too high to make the trek to Cheesie’s or remember that Jimmy John’s delivers. I guarantee that this recipe will get you the maximum enjoyment out of getting baked without actually baking.

Read more No. 95, Opinion

[NU Spork] The Spork Guide to Dorm Room Cooking

December 7, 2012 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

As much as we all love our delicious Sodexo food served in clean, hygienic Sodexo dining halls, there’s just no substitute for a meal cooked with your own two hands. Unfortunately, because the university doesn’t trust you to not kill yourself with microwaves or hot plates, we here at NU Spork have put together a handy guide to help you prepare food in your dorm room without the pesky constraints of heat sources or proper nutrition. Let’s start with drinks.

Read more No. 95, Opinion

[NU Spork] Thoughts From That Guy Eating in Spanish Class

December 6, 2012 Eric Vanchieri Leave a comment

OMG, why did I take Astro and Spanish back to back? Screw it, I’m eating chips. When do I bring them out? Do I wait for group work or is lecture ok? Why does this class have to have 12 people, they’re staring into my soul. Are they judging me for being the “food kid”? Whatever, time to open them. Crap, why are these so crinkly? Is it better to just rip the bag in one fell swoop or open

Read more No. 95, Opinion

[NU Spork] Six Students Try Frontera Fresco, ASG to Use 10K Initiative to Bring Chipotle

December 5, 2012 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

EVANSTON — After nearly four months of construction, Frontera Fresco, the newest addition to the epicurial cornucopia of dining options at Northwestern University’s Norris University Center, opened on Friday, November 30th. While the eatery’s nearly mythically slow completion led many students to believe it was managed by whoever put that equally mythical Einstein’s in (Tech? Pancoe? Is it even real?), it is, in fact, owned by Chicago chef and restaurateur Rick Bayless, who says he hopes to bring more upscale

[NU Spork] Sargent Grill Line “Worse Than the DMV”

December 4, 2012 Matt Ferro Leave a comment

EVANSTON — Due to the seasonal decline in temperature, many students are becoming less adventurous when deciding where to go for dinner. Since everyone knows Elder sucks, the entirety of North Campus has been flocking to Sargent’s dining hall around 6PM every weeknight. The most popular of Sargent’s dining options is the grill, which, on account of its popularity, frequently has a line rivaling the 3PM Norbucks rush. McCormick sophomore Clare Sullivan declared, “Ugh, this line is worse than the