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Dillo day BOB with some BYOB you know what it is

May 25, 2011 Jay Calhoun Leave a comment

This article was written by an actual drunk man and left unedited for effect. There are days in our lives when greatness is thrust upon us. There are also days wehere we drink a shit ton of alcohol and have fun Guess which one dillo day is? Hint I uncle jose cuerva making a visit. So today is chill and all with all the bands. The new pornographers were surprisingly clothed. I mean can you pronographize (the verb of pornography)

Freshman Too Drunk to Find Dillo Day

May 25, 2011 Nick Zessis Leave a comment

SKOKIE – One Northwestern freshman spent the most anticipated day of the year aimlessly wandering through the scenic village of Skokie. The hours of a.m. drinking forced David Eager to head West on Dillo Day, instead of East toward the lakefill. “There are really only two things you need to know how to do on Dillo Day,” Mayfest co-chair Chase “Maystache” Jacksons explained to Flipside investigators. “Drink large quantities of alcohol and have the common sense to head towards music

Local Student’s Dillo Day Lineup Includes Kids from High School He Didn’t Want to See

May 25, 2011 Sam Block Leave a comment

Dillo Day. It’s that time of year in late May when it may or may not be snowing. The free pizza tastes great, but so does all the other shit you may or may not have eaten. One thing is so certain that even Heisenberg wouldn’t question you: if you are from around here, you’ll see all those people from high school you thought you’d never see again. You know, the kids who don’t know who Heisenberg is. They’ll act

Dillo Day Canceled After B.o.B Unexpectedly Raptured

May 25, 2011 Flippy Leave a comment

Students reacted to the news with varied degrees of disappointment and downright agony, their heathen souls already plagued by the forces of Satan prior to their destruction and eternal damnation.

Girl In 6 Courses Dreads CAESAR Above All Else

May 18, 2011 Michael Davis Leave a comment

EVANSTON – With only several weeks before Spring quarter finals, some students are beginning to feel the pressure to perform well on final exams before the summer begins. However, this is not the case for Cynthia Tan, who will be finishing her second year in electrical engineering and is currently part of the BS/MS program. Though her two weeks in June are packed with exams and papers for the six courses she has been juggling throughout the quarter, Tan anticipates

Girl Mistakenly Thinks Everyone Cares Where She Is

May 18, 2011 Noah Rawitz Leave a comment

EVANSTON – In one of the most severe cases of what doctors are now calling “Look-At-Me Syndrome,” or LAMS, Weinberg sophomore Catey Jepson has developed an extreme compulsion to let as many people as possible know where she is at all times. In some instances, Jepson also lets on how she feels about where she is. “At any given time of the day, I’m certain nearly everyone is wondering where I am,” Jepson said. “I’ve made it my mission to

New Meal Plan Aims to Increase Seething Hatred towards Meal Plan

May 18, 2011 Dr. D.F. Xavier Rubino Leave a comment

By Capt. David F. Xavier Rubino, M.D., Esq. EVANSTON – Northwestern students will have a whole slew of new meal plans to choose from when they return in the fall. After nearly a decade, researchers seeking the least optimal plans for the student body have finally reached a consensus. “It all started when students began voicing their complaints”, former ASG Student Life VP Matt Belassai told The Flipside. “They would fill out surveys denoting how dissatisfied they were with the

I Still Can’t Believe You Never Found Those Emails

May 18, 2011 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

By Richard M. Daley, Former Mayor of Chicago First, I need to thank the journalists. Your utter complacency and lack of fortitude has allowed me to complete my 22-year tenure without a single earth-shattering revelation of absolute corruption or depravity that could have marred this otherwise immaculate career. I mean, fuck, people! This is Illinois! This is Chicago! I bought out the last honest politician twenty years ago! Yeah, that’s right, I’ve been skimming funds since day one, but you’re

Read more Articles, No. 60, Opinion, Politics

Northwestern Cancels Sex

May 18, 2011 Nick Zessis Leave a comment

“Everyone told me that I HAD to have sex before I left Northwestern. I was going to do it next year, but I guess I’ll have to wait now.”

Area Sorority Girl Hashtags EVERYTHING, #ugh

May 12, 2011 Katie Prentiss Leave a comment

EVANSTON – In an attempt to have the snarkiest Twitter of all her sassy sisters, area sorority girl Kayla Kaplan has started hashtagging everything. “It started with just small things that were actually trends like #SGP and #royalwedding. But then I thought, wait, my life is just as trendy as these tags, so I’m going to turn my life into the trends,” Kaplan said. This Quad Delt’s recent tweets have included such masterpieces as: “Spring formal was so fun! #openbar